Omelette pictures

I am cooking a stir fry for lunch today and I couldn’t help but think about how well my twin can chop vegetables. I have no patience for it.20160203_105128.jpg

So then I thought,”Let me be experimental and make a blog detailing all of the things I could think of that I like about him.”

His ability to chop vegetables is one. If you ever need someone to make you a mango salsa, my twin is your guy. He would send me a daily picture of the omelettes he made, vegetables sliced and diced into perfect centimeter cubes. We even went to a party once and I had him make a salad for the vegan crowd and we sat and watched across the table while people slowly inhaled it. In ten minutes, it was gone. I wish I took a time lapse of it.

He is very warm and sweet, a very snuggly guy. He has an accent unlike mine that is adorable and all of my friends have likened him to a farm boy. (The first time I talked to him I was like..Omg I’m gonna eat this guy alive.) He dresses pretty much like I do, no frills, but still stylish. He is still, in my opinion, the most gorgeous man on Earth. Weight gain or loss, floppy hair or not floppy hair, opinion intact.

He listens to really good music and that music range is vast, which makes it more interesting because usually (save the Brit Pop, haha) all of it I like. And I never meet people that listen to really good music like that. Consistently.

His body is even shaped like mine and the way that clothes sit on him, the way he walks, the way he dances, for me, is like being hypnotized. Like we all know that insane sexual energy you get when you literally want to eat someone’s flesh down to the bone. That’s how I feel when he prances around. At one point, I called him the wiggly ghost because this is a very good summation of it.

Many twins have an animal as their symbol and ours is a bunny. And it’s pretty accurate. He is soft and cuddly and cute and shy. His energy tends to be unlike a wave, but more like thousands of fireworks going off in a line. This is how I can easily find him online or know it’s him. It goes and goes. Maybe it’s all the asparagus.

Before I met him, I was like, “Who is this hot NYC photographer peeping on me?” And every time I looked at his face, it would change. Every single pic he looks different to me, so at one point way before we met, I stopped looking for pics of him. Instead, I formed a picture of a cute blonde guy in my head and that is the best way for me to meet his energy. Even the colors of his hair and eyes would change to orange and grey in the right lights. He was like a shimmer of glittering energy. I don’t see the depression or the sadness that he spoke of. I see the underlying river of energy which is constant.

I think he made a good name for himself despite odds against him in the biggest city on Earth. It is hard to get recognized as an artist and his work was so prolific that it made it into big art websites and magazines. That’s because his vision is so strong and he is very focused. He is also really good at getting awesome jobs, which I suck at. He is shy, but that makes him work on these projects that are really very different than most art. I always thought it was cool that we were both artists and we both knew to stick around NYC to find each other.

His very opposite side of me: the slow, calm space cadet. But it works for him because he is kinda hazy. Most of his music is the same as well as his art. All blendy. Mine is sharp and colorful and brash. If we ever had a kid, they would be the most absolutely middle of the line kid ever based on our swings from left to right.

I like how he is delicate and can’t handle drinking. Or even when he gets upset and he can’t handle it. He once saw me slam my leg into a metal fan with the force of a tornado and I hurt my knee so bad that I fell over and screamed and almost lost consciousness. And there he is above me, “OH MY GODDDD! YOURE SO CUTE EVEN WHEN YOU’RE IN PAIN!” Well, kitten, the same goes for you too. Tears, red dots by your eyes, blotches on your face that you’re always pissed about, even when you’re puking.. All super cute. Hehe.

We are both writers too and his style, again, exact opposite of mine. We wrote a blog together and his would be a giant run on sentence of thoughts in motion. Mine was specifically detailed with tons of commas and periods. You could always tell who wrote which blog but I always found it interesting to hear how his mind thought.

From the beginning, our communication was very strong. I had to change my phone plan to unlimited for all of the texts that I was washed with. I’ve never met anyone who could text like he could.

And lastly, the magnetism that we had was like no other. We tried taking walks in the beginning of just meeting and we only lasted 15 minutes walking. It was very hard (LOL) in the beginning to really do anything, but have hours and hours of sex. And Im not a morning person, but he changed that. Little bunny sleeping was very soon little bunny being pounced on for the next half hour. And then there was tea and coffee and back in we went.

Let’s just say it was never boring..


















And he eats pussy like a fuckin rockstar but you didnt read that.




The last bit of the running phase

I’m fighting with myself deciding whether to make this a TFU post or not. I will, just in case it helps any other twins confused. I was just going to write this straight to my twin, but perhaps it can benefit others as well.

I didn’t plan out the last few trips to the ocean. I never asked to speak so easily to the Universe or to the deceased. I never expected any of this to be the way it is. It all comes as a surprise to me, is what I’m saying. I set out on the path when we split as a way to make it through for myself, for us both. To survive. Not to become,”Mamma twin flame,” as my twin from Singapore calls me. LOL.

I’m sensing you’re in a position where you are frantic. You don’t want to be where you are mentally. All of what you knew is melting away. You have choices, but I only see one good one and it is this.

If you want to repair your mind frame, you have got to look back to and remember the love. Remember allllll of what it was that we had together. The good times, the inability to let go of each other, the infinite love. As a 3d entity, we were taught to protect ourselves. But how are you protecting anything if you choose to focus on the negative?

You look to me, searching frantically to find the key. But it’s within you. And that’s where you will find it. In your mind. In your perception. Make it a daily practice that will seem like a fight at first. How can I reverse these thoughts of when we mirrored badly? Realize that we have traveled a journey, through a mountain to elevate. We are not the same anymore, as we once were. We’re only better.

There’s nothing scary about that. Consider it like going back to infancy. Being absolutely powerless, yet ensconced in love. Protected by the innocence of not knowing negativity. By being a fresh soul. We have got to detach the pain and confusion and conditioning to get back there. And the only way is through perception. You are being protected by a daily choice of love over pain/illusions/fear.

Don’t believe the illusion that we are anything, but love. You knew this to be true when you looked in my eyes. You can go back to this place again. We have no choice but to return to this place and that’s the only way we can survive at this point.

Think of pancakes and snow and dancing in Brooklyn, the badly timed garbage truck, the moon the first night, meeting at our corner, bunny bars, the orange book, the fences, the crying on New Years eve drama (haha), sex until we lost all muscular usage, our selfies and photography, the rooftop brunch, the wedding, the two twin blogs, endless text messages, the worlds best cucumber salad, the way you cut vegetables and the gay banana guy, our future art shows and business endeavors. The gifs, the fox, our mirrored art, shopping together, music playlists, the burnt fish. Everything was cute and is and always will be because it’s us.

The only way for us to move on is to let go of the pain and move back to love.






I never talk about this, but I keep getting signs that I should.

Many twins going through Dark Night and/or out of it definitely contemplate this idea.

This is a fervent as the question I get asked often,”How do you know that my twin is going to come back?”

Because you told me they would.

We get down. And I’m not talking urban cuteness. Like twerking in a basement while drinking a cocktail. No. We get really DOWN. So down that it seems like the only answer would be to off ourselves.

Well, we can’t. Why? Because if you do, you have to not only come back again and relearn the lessons, but also you will have to go and find your twin again. Not to say you can’t. You can do whatever your heart desires. I could easily take a gorgeous machete and drain my blood from my neckline in some luxurious fashion. MY CHOICE. “Then I don’t have to worry about all of this fuckin shit!” Right?

You do. Like you started from square one, but with no memory of it. And then you will also have to worry about becoming a ghost and stalking your twin and his wife and kids and friends. Because death doesnt separate you. Nothing can separate you!

Your best bet instead is to listen to the advice of my missing friend Scott,”Just BE,” he told me the weekend I told him I was tired of playing this game. “Just exist. You don’t have to mount stress or fear or struggle or anything. Just take time for yourself.”

Many twins attribute their problems to their twin and not to their own selves. Any thought you have is your responsibility. If you are in a bad place, who has to pull you out? YOU. And get used to it because you will have to do it repeatedly through out most of separation. Keep escaping the bad place. But do it in a healthy way. Don’t keep escaping by pulling yourself further down with drugs or alcohol or other addictions. No, you can focus on being productive and actually making a life out of escaping your bad place in a healthy way.

I have a few twins that I talk to that are certain they won’t see their twins in this lifetime again and that is because they have chewed up their life stick down to nothing. There is little time for them. Even some that pretend they are doing fine and wouldnt do it will do it. They are going to have to prepare for the reunion in the next life. Like booking a really complex vacation. But perhaps this was already written for them too.

If you feel suicidal, go to sleep. You will feel better in the morning. If you don’t. Call a friend or someone you can talk to who will remind you what you are living for.

My twin and I already cemented the pact that if he’s out, so am I. In a few very short months we made many pacts. We are going to die together. We already know that. We don’t want to live without each other. But die in separation? I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO.

I’ve done far too much work in my life to stop now. And I’m not saying I’ll be kicking and screaming on my way out. It will be perfect, I promise you. But that is very far in the future. I have far too much to live for and so do you.

There’s nothing worse in any spiritual way than to live while your twin has passed. That is the most unbelievable pain that we’ve both had to endure in previous lifetimes. And having a twin friend who has had to deal with it, I can’t think of anything worse.

So really absorb this blog please. There seems to be a spike in this topic on my boards and I beg you to really rethink it if you are in this position. Things will get better. They always do.

Kinda like the Oracle saying to Neo in the Matrix,”Take a cookie. I promise, by the time you’re done eating it, you will be right as rain.”




I was just asked by one of the twins from Tumblr to discuss this and so I am going to put together a dreams page for other twins to talk back and forth about dreams they have had about their twins.

The Final Puzzle Piece to the Twin Flame

I was sent back down to the ocean tonight. On the way down, almost there, I asked her, “How many mo..” She said, in my voice, “7 months.” She didnt even let me finish.

I go to the ocean and said, “Ok, honey, I’m home!”

She said nothing and I walked for a bit.

I said, “Well, I’m just gonna ask you since I have nothing really left to say right now. How long will it be until I hear from him?” “She replied,”April.” I said..”Really?!” And then I said, “Could it be sooner than that?” And she replies in my sultriest voice,

“It depends on what you believe…”

I just posted a blog on one of my tf Tumblrs today which I read maybe a few months back and it’s called, “These three words will bring your twin back.” And those three words are I Support You. I mulled all of this over quickly and the final puzzle piece is this:

I believe in, I trust in and I love my twin.

I believe in, I trust in and I love myself.

It makes total sense and if we didnt go through what we did in separation, it would have never been so clear. The moment I stopped worrying about his antics and the anons, I could feel my love for him again. Why? Because I refused to focus on the negative and focused on the positive. I pushed the fear away, the illusions away, and the love came flooding back. Which is also why I insisted that I stay offline for a bit so the bad mirroring could stop just long enough for us both to breathe.

I said, “So that’s it” It really is that. That is it. That is the final piece to this whole crazy relationship. Of course, if we haven’t worked on our behaviors, our addictions, our emotional responses and our overwhelming egos, none of this would be possible to see. So it has to all go in the right order. Which is why I insist there are twin flame separation stages.

The one stage I see very blatantly with many twins is the “My twin is not really my twin.” separation stage. I never had that problem. I always knew he was the one. I had other problems instead that faded as time went on. Many others don;t realize, but come to find out within about a month that they can’t push their twin away in denial. It just doesnt work and it will come back in a wave of love and you will know they are.

So, the blonde Texan was right. There is a sliding scale to this. The sliding scale has everything to do with your growth. How fast you attend to breaking those false core beliefs I speak of so often. How fast you keep ripping through those illusions that are keeping you apart. The quicker you attend to breaking the fear-based emotional response cycle.

I felt like I was going to faint almost. I looked at the ocean and it began to move in slow motion. And then I began to cry.

I’ve gotten my answer and I’m done searching.

I could say to you the moment you hit separation that this is what you must do, but you will not be ready. You must arrive at this in your own time.

And as I type this last sentence Nat King Cole comes on singing,”It wouldnt be make believe if you believe in me.”

I can’t even make this shit up.



Come join us

In sweeping circles, the ladies dance and stomp while men are chanting, one designated to sing his heart out. Come join us.

In all the pyramidal steps, there are secret buttons that allow you into the deep tunnels below where the true party occurs. Come join us.

Under the surface, yet in the air, we continually dance and swing dresses, billow quietly so no one can hear. Except us. Come join us.

Your anchoring weight can be cut. That rope isnt so thick after all. We will call you with our minds. Come join us.

Anything you desire can be found here. Your wish is your command. Oh quiet one, come join us.


I wanted to go to do a drive from Sequoia Forest to Seattle, but Universe says no. I’ve been on the phone with Travelocity trying to book it for over a week now and no matter what, they will just not finish the processing. At first, I took this as they were just being straight up shady. Today and tonight, I’m rolling it around my mouth with some ice, like whiskey, the old top-shelf stuff.

I’m not supposed to go to California now. I’m supposed to do something else. And so this presents a challenge. Where am I supposed to go? I have 5 places off the top of my head I could use an old 500$ credit with. But I need to be there and flown back by Feb 11th. Heh. Add a wittle Mercury Retrograde and we have a partay! Can’t book til Jan 25th. Honestly, though, it’s all about perspective.

In another unrelated but related story, I was supposed to have a visitor this weekend that was unwanted. They invited themselves to my house for the weekend after I already said I would be on vacation another time they wanted to come. Oh thanks! I kid, but, eyy. Anyway. It just worked out this morning that all flights were canceled from their city to mine. And the message came through. “I guess Mother Nature does not want me to give you a hug goodbye.” And I said “Haha. I guess not.” Because that relationship ended five years ago and it’s not any longer in line with whats supposed to happen. I thank the Universe for diverting that flight and have been hi-fiving her all morning. (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! ) It was simply not meant to be.

I wanted to discuss the idea of “haters” I keep seeing this! I was on EP and someone made a comment about trusting people and it was negative and like 40 people liked it. It ended with some comment about haters. It could have been a positive post but it was angled negatively.

I have a friend, or had a friend, that was big on this haters idea. The only problem is that the haters idea is in your mind. Just like Satan, evil and bad, all made up illusions to keep you controlled by fear, all of these creations invented by the mind, not nature. Sure, there may be what we would consider rough or sharp energy. But this type of energy moves things into the right spot. There may be a clairvoyant understanding her death in a negative way and therefore saying Satan or evil is out to get them. You have to die, it’s a natural process, but you are the one who views it through your filter of perception, making it positive or negative. All negative aspects are in the mind, taught to us by other people who FEAR things.

This blizzard, the perfect example. “I hate snow.” No, you dislike the uncomfortable aspects that you must endure during a strong snowfall. Like if power goes out. Or you can’t do what you want that day. Or shoveling. You dislike them. It’s cold and you’re cold and you don’t like being cold. Snow did nothing to you.

Or even the fear behind a blizzard. Gotta get out and get snow melt and bread! Watching The Weather Channel could freak you out! (and let me take this moment to really harp on the fear-mongering of modern day Weather Channel. Where’s Jim Cantore?! In a  windbreaker, off to do an interview in 80 mph sustained winds in the Bahamas! No, this isn’t the 1990’s anymore, when love was overflowing as it was then and races were getting along. No! The Weather Channel has turned into the Fox News of weather reporting. The world is going to end and were going to televise it, piece by piece, EXTREME DANGER! Here’s a video of an old lady stuck in her car with her cat. What a complete crock of shit.) And people believe this mindset and feed on it. Like a car crash. Or a Trump debate. Sprinkle in a little Palin waving her arms and saying,”Pussy-footin!” And many other embarrassing things that ignorant people say.

Anyway. That’s all an illusion. Whatever really happened to you in the past 20 snowstorms/Nor’Easters/blizzards that passed over you? Nothing. Maybe your cousin hit a telephone pole. Adds a bit of sparkle drama. But really. You had to shovel snow and couldnt go to the mall for a day. Or in my case, Home Depot.

I’ll end this blog quick with an old short Cherokee quote.

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson
about a battle that goes on inside people.

He said, “My son, the battle is between
two “wolves” inside us all.

One is Evil.
It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,
arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies,
false pride, superiority, and ego.

The other is Good.
It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”

The grandson thought about it for a minute
and then asked his grandfather:
“Which wolf wins?”

The old Cherokee simply replied,
“The one you feed.”


The fat lady has sung

I was sent off to the ocean again this weekend. And I only went for dinner and a walk and she decided we would have a conversation. Yes, the lady in the sky.

And in weird waves, she showed me she was sending him back to me. I said,” Come again?” She said, “Yea, he wants to come back.” I said give me 6 months to a year to prepare and I’ll do my magic and you do yours. She said we’re over the midpoint already. I said, “Are you serious?” There was more to this conversation obviously, but the deal had been made.

She said ok, we shook and I walked off the beach.

So after you have a conversation like this you sit and think about a lot of things. If I don’t believe it will it stop it? If I believe it, will it definitely manifest it? I’m not sure, so I’m taking a neutral tone and sticking very tightly to what I agreed to for myself. Belief is a big part of twin flame life because you have to believe in your twin and also trust them.

This weekend, the rules changed again for me. I am supposed to be enlightened and yet I still make a mess with, ahem, “….online things.” And so I rewrote my own rules to how to conduct myself from here forth.

The energy has been hella high. I’m already feeling the full moon of the 23rd and the eclipse begin to tighten things already and that’s not until March. I had a panic attack last night and yesterday’s energy wasn’t so great. I never had a chance to exercise and that jolted me awake at 430 am to entertain giant life problems and solutions, only to have me whisk back off to bed, unable to fully sleep, instead see tons of new paintings to paint.

The night that she and I had this conversation I did have a dream about him. We were just trying to walk and talk and be normal. He was holding my hand, backwards as we usually do, he was smiling. I didnt have much to say. I let him talk. We were at lunch on Saturns’s rings. There was a lot of bright light.

And that’s my big story for the week.




Theory of past twin life

read this

David Bowie had a twin soul. But ended up a philanderer, never going back to her. He brought his talent to the public and made it last. Thats what he was meant to do. The last 23 were spent w Iman. Easy. It’s easy when you dont fix the broken things but then you cannot go back.

But it was meant to be this way for him in this life. He has to go find her again and do it over. One has to question how much control we have over this.

I thought last night about our past lives, the ones I can remember. There was no separation stage minus the one in which he left permanently for war and died, my death following after being chased by men on horses in armor and them swiping me in the stomach. In another I left early from an aneurysm.

We didnt have to endure the twin structure. We just got married, had kids and lived happily. Why on Earth must we do it in this life?

I have no clue. Perhaps its that it/she wants us to be done with our recycling. That we have reached ripeness. If we dont in this one, we have to do this again. I would prefer not to come back as a human again. But if we do, I do hope they fashion us with better teachers next time.

I died early in one life and so did he. Karma swirls back and forth.


Back n forth


I like talking to twins and (attempting to) guide them through the beginning of separation. I’ll give you tips and pointers and explain to you what is going on underneath the whole picture because most twins have no clue why they are mirroring so badly.

And this is how it works. Things get ugly. The twins break up.

But what if they don’t?

This is the second time I’ve talked to a twin that just will not accept or move into separation. It’s like watching a child kicking and screaming, being dragged away from their twin. Then 3 days later I get the email ,”Oh, were talking again and everything is back to normal. Why does this happen?”

Because you’re allowing it. Because you are not using your self-respect and instead allowing yourself to fall deeper into a hole. Because you’re in a weak position and not using the best of judgement. Because you even fear separation.

I used a similar story to explain my position being the tf friend/helper: “I’m your alcohol counselor and you tell me you’ve quit and then you go through withdrawal and then three days later you’re back on the sauce. You are fine because you have quenched the addiction. But what happens when you go back in again? Over and over and over, constantly telling me how strong you are, but me watching and knowing..”

I can’t watch and listen to the whole story, all the drama, the crying, the not going to work, the I feel like shit today so I did nothing,the frown and tears emojis,  the I can’t stop thinking about them IF you are not willing to listen and help yourself.

I, myself, as a recovering “addict,” have learned that it is important to put up BOUNDARIES. These are invisible, but they work quite well. Like making a pact to NOT stalk your twin. Or not talking to negative people. Or cutting off twins that want to keep hurting themselves.

I just cannot do it. Your emotions get absorbed into me. I get 7,000 WhatsApp messages in one day from one twin. And then it’s over. And then its on. And then it’s over..yadda. I can’t watch you hurt yourself over and over. It hurts me to watch you do it to yourself. And then I have to put up a boundary and cut you off until you have finally made the correct decision of sticking with big, bad separation.

I understand how you feel. “I have unconditional love for this person? Why can’t I just love them?” Because you are not loving YOURSELF first, disregarding any type of self-respect and dignity and keep going into war with a dirty mirror. The dirty mirror being your beliefs and behaviors that have not been cleaned yet.

That should tell you something. On the first page of this website, I state that we do still have to stick to old-fashioned dating rules. This doesn’t change because you’re a twin. “Just because we are each other,” is still not negotiable and you must adhere to self-respect, calm, balance, dignity, kindness, gentleness, correct pace and timing. Stalking every social media site your twin is on and flipping out because they blocked or unblocked you is not indicative of a well-balanced relationship. It should be a wake up call. Even better: WOULD YOU DATE YOU?

Postulate a few theorems on that one.

If not, ask yourself why. And then begin to fix those areas.

The longer you resist separation, the more frayed the relationship gets and looking back at it one or three or five years later, you say to yourself, “Geez, I wish I just cut it off clean and walked away.” Kinda like dying young, so you stay pretty. There is something to be said for just letting go and walking away.

Plus, the longer you resist it, the longer it will be until you reach it and in effect, the longer it will be before reunion. You are slowing the process with fear. And your twin is watching all of your unclean behavior and getting TURNED OFF by it.

Another question asked of young twins fresh into separation is “When will I know that we are to reunite?” The longer you are in separation, the better you yourself can feel your own needs and growth and strengths. YOU KNOW. It is deep in yourself and you can feel it. I ask myself the question from week to week,” Do I want my twin back yet?” Sometimes it is YES.  Most of the time, a resounding NO comes up. Why? Not in our condition, I’m not ready, he’s still acting like a child..etc.

See most people don’t ask themselves the questions and when you ask them, they don’t even know how to answer. Questions like “What would make you happy?” “Would you date yourself?” “Do you like who you are as a human and why?” “Do you want your twin flame to come back and why or why not?” Very much like painting lifelike: you think the answer is one thing, but when you really look at it, it’s a totally different answer than you thought.

My advice to twins new to separation. Relax. It’s gonna be awhile. The longer you are in, the easier it gets.Think of all of the things you want to accomplish in your life and focus on that.




The voices in my head: Speaking with the deceased

Well, this is interesting.

I was “contacted” again tonight by my friend, who we can’t find, but I can hear in my head.

He was somewhat frantic. He and his twin got pulled apart in the afterlife to be processed back in  (he’s on line to be) and he contacted me to find her to tell her to find him.

I’m like,”Dude, you know how this works! You will both find each other again!”

I think he is forgetting? Or perhaps coming out of a coma. Or something else..

I am forming a timeline for you to understand how this works.

Within three days of our last text he came thru loud and clear as an image. I was in my car and I could feel and see him and I heard him where I hear those who have passed. I said to myself, maybe I’m stressed but I hope you are kidding me.

The next day while in the woods, before Christmas, this may have been Christmas Eve, he is wildly loquacious, happy and I hear him at 10:00. I usually hear people at 2:00 or 10:00, my head being the middle of the clock. He’s super la-la and blabbing on and on and I can’t keep up or hear the whole thing as it comes through very much like dream words. I tune in and ask him questions of which he answers.. yes, i’m dead. ( I ask him this multiple times and each time he’s like,”I already told you!! Why wont you believe me.” I stop asking.)

I’m like… I really hope you’re kidding me. But hey, good for you if you’re happy. We have an almost 5 minute conversation like this. He tells me to be strong. I say OK. Realize the weekend before I was on the phone with him and we were both feeling weird. That Tuesday before was when he sad he felt “time was off and something feels wrong.” I sent him pics of my cat staring at me. He laughed. Even weirder..the last pic wouldnt go thru so I had to resend it. That was the last I heard from him.

Monday after that I’m at work and I hear him. He’s beaming. “I found her!” AWESOME!!! His twin was deceased for the past 5 years. And after that, he stopped talking to me. Well, kind of.

I asked him some questions a few days later while shopping and he answered in his voice..they retain their voice when I hear them. They also retain energetic qualities. So if they are sad or frantic or freaking out, I know. And when they are freaking out, things arent well.

To aside: His twin came to me last Christmas after I got off the phone with him. That’s how I knew I could hear the other side. She freaked out and stood next to my tree while I was on the couch (came in at 2:00) LEAVE MY MAN ALONE! I was like WHOA!!! I don’t want your man! I have my own!

I call him and he’s like “are you serious?!” I was like YEA!!! He’s like “Send her to me” This is while I’m now on my bed and she is in my doorway staring at me. The second the “S” comes out of “send,” she flies like a banshee in his direction:West.

I’m like..”Dude..she just whisked off!”

So let’s come back to the present. A week after I get all this in, I check his online accts which all stop at Dec 15th. A week ago, I go to the ocean, because she insisted I go. Her being the big lady in the sky and so we had a chat. And I decided to contact him while there and he was all cutesy with me. I said,” Where are you?” He said,”Haha! I’m not gonna tell you, but they will find me soon enough.” I said, “THIS ISNT FUNNY!!!” He laughs and trails off.

I think about it. His phone is still accepting messages and I sent him texts that never got answers including about him passing. No online obits.His Tumblr reblogs end Dec 15th with, yes, a twin flame- two candles burning. Maybe he got in an accident. I don’t want to imagine these things. Christmas and New Years pass and how can anyone not find him? I know he has kids. None of which I can find online. I dont know. Maybe he’s in the hospital.

Anyway. He came to me tonight at first all pretending he was fine and that changed quickly. He’s like,”You need to talk to her for me! She needs to know and remember!” I said she will. He said,”No, you have to promise me, I can’t lose her again. You have no clue what I’ve been through!”

Ok, Ok.

They’re both coming back. Her first, but now theyre both cued for it. Before they were hanging out and just chillin in space. Things have shifted.

I will do this for you tonight Scott.

I will talk to her for you.

Update: I just called his phone and it goes right to message.







Happy New Year

I’m rescinding the last blog. It is not healthy to be remarking someone has passed when I still have yet to get the info. Stay tuned. I know what I know, but I’ll wait graciously for news.

I want to start by saying thanks to the eight twins who would open up their inboxes to twins in need of help. A big thank you from me and the rest of the community to you! You are the best!

Let’s hop right in.

I’m going to take 5 blogs I wrote while on “vacation” and condense them into one with less details.

Digital twins

We’re in the age of everything being online and having multiple social media sites enables twins to stalk each other with and without the other knowing. Throw in some proxy servers and a few counters and we have dual communication.

The idea behind separation is to SEPARATE. Not to hold on, not to roll on the floor gripping a blanket in fear that your twin is doing something you don’t want them to do. There’s two parts to this and let me explain.

The first part is communication beyond the separation line. You are still talking to someone that youre mirroring (badly.) If you keep talking to them while in separation, you’re gonna push them further away with your awesome antics.

The second part is the pushing of buttons. Your twin was made especially to push every insecure button in your body. This extends into separation IF YOU ALLOW THIS. Now, this can build you stronger over time because you really get to know who your twin is and also where your buttons are, wounds are that you need to heal. But you know what’s better than feeling like shit all of the time? NOT FEELING LIKE SHIT!

No way! Shut up!

Since I don’t know one twin not guilty of this behavior, let’s start the New Year on a new foot. Let’s back off of that are refocus our energy onto ourselves.

As we are all now digital twins, with varying levels of crazy stalking, let’s move our minds back to ourselves because 1. this slows the process and 2. you’re going to excel at fixing and focusing on yourself and this is what were here to do.

Bringing yourself out of DNOS

I have two or more twins going through this currently. And you must mourn for a given time. But, at one point, you have to ask yourself, why am I still in pain so bad? The only person who gives you pain is you. You decide how much pain to give yourself. And this can range from the loss of a pet to the loss of a human to someone murdering your family. Things can hurt for awhile. But it isnt the pet or the person or the murderer who gives you the pain. All of the pain comes from you. No matter what, you are the one who decides when it’s time to forgive and forget and move on.

As twins, the moving on part is quite fuzzy. Especially to us single, older ones. But I want my boyfriend/ girlfriend to come back! Yea, I too. But that isn’t how this works. You have got to “move on” and “let go” to allow the other twin to breathe and make their own decisions and grow.

This is why I have decided to go back into the dating pool. It’s not to upset my twin. It’s actually to get myself in better shape and to take the focus off of my twin and put it back on myself. Dating is a good distraction. You never know what is going to happen. And in the end, we’re not jealous of each other because we ARE each other. So who cares?

Look at it this way: If you are sad, and you mirror that, how is your twin doing? If you are stagnant and waiting and not growing or experiencing things, what is your twin doing? If you are stuck on a substance, what is your twin up to? You don’t move, they don’t move. GET MOVING!

This year was unlike last year for me where I was a twin flame baby. I am a twin flame adult now, pretty secure in many new powers and understanding and abilities. Things will happen and progress naturally, eventually. But somehow I’v echanged my state of mind and basically have given up on my twin for now. It’s been a really long time. And this Christmas, it hit me. Time to start doing new stuff. I made new decisions and a list of what I want. It includes: love, passion, excitement, fun, honesty and a few other racy things. Time to do all that I havent yet!

2015 was mourning and his year. 2016 is my year. I am “moving on.”  What do I focus on now? Stuff I have to do. I have grown TFU, my twin network and my art network up quite extensively. I have A LOT of stuff to do. I have no time to think about it anymore because I know it just drags me down. AND I would like companionship again.

I know there’s other people I need to meet and hang out with. To what extent, no one knows. But I feel reborn in a sense. I have seen some twins move on and theyre doing fine. Over time, the perception shifts. Keep doing you, keep focusing on you, keep fixing you. It becomes a new life.

I wake up happy. I have a lot of friends. I have so much talent. I’m beautiful. I’m intelligent. What stops me now? Nothing.

I want all of you to get to this point. To be OK and happy and productive and really excited about life.

I got a really sweet email from the guy who I bought my house from. (He and I email each other every few months, still, almost 3 years after I bought the house.) It was very long and noted different things about lifes ups and downs, but it centered on love. (Awwww) And it ended with I AM HONORED TO BE YOUR FRIEND. And I sent him an email back (12 back and forth..this is how we roll..we love to talk) basically saying that I know that I know him from a past life and this is why we get along so well and that when I’m down, I will think about him and it will bring my spirits up and make me smile.

THIS IS LOVE! This is how it should be! Not upset that your twin is off doing x,y and z, acting up and being jerky. Ego walls slamming you into concrete until you are bleeding. One is abuse. And the abuser is you because you keep going back for more. Stop doing it to yourself!

There is love and connection all around us. There is a reason people come into your life. To remind you how beautiful you are and life is.

It’s not going to work with your twin until you get thru separation and allow all that shines in to transform you and in effect, mirroring into them. Ego not included.

I don’t have a solid plan except to do exactly what I want to and be grateful for those who ARE in my life. I have so many wonderful twin and regular friends. I love the work I am doing with the art and tf communities. Things are really looking up. I feel unstoppable. Everything comes from your mind.

Make really good choices in 2016. ❤






Twin flame$$$ unite?

It’s come to my attention that this is becoming a very big thing on the internet. And you will come to find twins that want to CHARGE YOU for things you can find on your own. I am not going to be pointing fingers to whom, but I want you to know, you can get advice from twins and figure out how to get through the maze much easier than plopping down 60 bucks for a book or 200 for a course. Real twins don’t charge other twins for advice.

Using the already frayed emotion of fear, they persuade you to exercise your wallet by selling hope in a bottle. The only problem is, when you open that bottle you come to find that there is no magic bullet and you still have to do all of your own internal energy work. Very simar to buying an exercise tape. How do I know? I plunked down the xx$ to buy a book and it was pure piddle. And quite miserable to read.

This enrages me very much like the false twin theory because there is an air of falseness to it. If we are all twins, why do I have to pay you for what a little research would get me for free? That seems silly. We are supposed to help each other out, no? Since were all connected, you help one twin out, youre helping many others at the same time.

Needless to say my comment on said website did not go through. This same website promising twins reunification at the end of this month. Twins reunite each month so thats accurate, but somewhat misleading.

If you want to get through the maze quicker, to reunite with your twin, you must understand what it is that is in your energy that is repelling them. To do that it comes under the spectrum of core beliefs: I don’t feel good enough, I am not smart enough, I am not enough, I must take care of my family because no one else will..those types of beliefs that were instilled in your by your parents and teachers.

To figure out your core beliefs, you must look up the list. I have it on my help during separation page. Then you figure out what needs to be fixed and you break apart these false core beliefs. They are illusions. Some very deep and scary, but honestly, all illusions.  You can do this without forking over money. Or you can go find twins or healers to help you.

It is not hard to figure out HOW to balance your own energy. However, it is WORKing on these points and beliefs that can take time. You will not immediately believe something new, it will take practice by changing your own behavior when say someone pushes your buttons. You have to change your own perspective of yourself. That is the point, to control yourself and your energy and your own emotions.

My twin friends and I tend to see things on the internet and send over links to each other when things just dont feel “right.” Ultimately, these circus tfs will have to pay back the money via karma. The main idea is that this page stays free to anyone who needs it because many twins need help and not everyone has money. There is always a way to get help. Do not feel scared to ask for help either. If anyone needs help, please get in touch via my contact page.

Cheers and Happy New Year!

Theories about our energetic connections.

I told another one of my twins to guess how long she would be in for..”the slammer”..of separation. She doesnt want to know. I said..think to yourself and come up with an answer. Not because I want her to know, but because she already DOES know.

If I write on here and my voice reverberates as you read it, thats because youve read it before. Not that I havent written it before. But because you have already read it the first time around and its just rechecking with the layer matrix of time. This lifetime has been written between you and your twin and you already know the story, how the whole thing goes. And Im pointing out little clues about how you will remember parts.

“It’s a lie” is a password between my twin and I. A phrase to let us know to not read things as they are but how you feel them. He and I have set up a whole map of clues and symbols and phrases to keep each other aligned correctly whether together or apart.We even set up a meeting space and places to run off to that are acceptable to both sides. (We’re OCD like that.) So then we have seen the future already, it is inside of us, as well as the akashic record. Of course, and let me blow your mind, who said WE arent the akashic record.

Everything is delineated by form. That doesnt mean that we are any different than a dolphin, dead corn stalks or million year old dust. Everything is made up of the same things, we are all connected in a weave-type metaphysical blanket. Time is similar in that it is also woven. If we lay form over time, we have life/ a remembered lifetime. But being that we are twins, understanding energy better, we know that these two layers are merely made up of smaller things but ultimately one big thing. It is woven together tightly. This may be why we are so psychic with each other.

Once one puzzle piece comes into place, the rest begin to flow. Understanding we do have past lives unlocks many other unanswerable questions and answers them. Souls leave the vessel and come back in a new one. How? I dont know, I didnt go to metaphysics class that day, I slept in. Just kidding. We were there for every class and we all know everything. It’s just can you remember and truly trust in your instinct of what the underlying energy tells you to be true?

Yes, you can. The more you trust your instinct, the more you guess and get it right, the more you are accessing what is locked in a place that is not so easily touched by most people. There is a way to keep accessing it. But you have to trust your instinct. Begin to trust the silent energy you feel and when you ask questions to air, really listen to the answer it gives you. This is how I speak with the deceased. This is also how I know how to cook, bartend, be artistic in any sense. The whole pattern gets more easily understood the more you look at it and play with it. I have been doing it for awhile.

We dont really have to guess at how long we will be apart. We already know. The story was discussed and read to you before and you were given explicit instructions. But what if you want to cut the game? What if you understand the whole game and want to beat it or transport yourself off Pacific and jump right to Boardwalk? I guess they call that Quantum Leaping. You can do these things. They just take practice and focus.

I can hear some of the things I write as I reread them and hear them in his head too. All the way from here. It reverberates because it mirrors in us both. I have checked many a sentence between the two of us, thats how I would write our blogs for the both of us when we were still together. But I can still access that part of him (because its in me) and if I need to cross check info, thats how I do it. No lies here. Nope. They wont pass through both of us, only one. And thats how we all know what our twins think and feel. We are internally, innately checking each part of the energy within.

This is why it hurts to fight with your twin so much. Not just because they “mirror out” your insecurities, but because in truth, you are fighting with yourself. When we fought, it would hurt sooooo badly. It was not like fighting w a regular gf/bf. No, this was horrific pain! It is bouncing back and forth between the two of you in all of the places you exist in both of you.. Which is many many many places.

Another theory..some twins have tighter woven metaphysical “blankets” than others. My twin and I? We are suuuuper tight. We’re easily at 1,600,000 thread count. We look the same, were really psychic w each other and the love is always present, even in dark moments. Our families are of the same nationalities, from the same areas of this country and we are both artists. We are born only 6 months apart. We were only 250 miles apart and for 1/3 of our lives, 35 miles away. 

Why do I feel this theory is true? Some doubt reconnection and union. Some feel ego is better and wont stomp it out. Some want to continue on their merry path without their twin because karma has dictated and they know it. Some twins get remarried and can pretend. I cannot. And therefore neither can he. He knows he’s on FTW vacation for now. He knows he will be home eventually. Who knows where home will be then. (Hopefully, somewhere pretty and lively.)

What is lost in physical separation is gained in energetic connectedness. We learn in separation how to reconncet to what we truly are..home is alll around us, inside of us and neverending so its difficult to be lonely with the miracles of re-realizing that.

How to reconnect to this thing I speak of? Quietly converse with it. Speak to it, listen to it, feel it. Meditate w it.

Happy Saturday, kittens.

And bunny.

Darkness (with video thoughts at end)

Peace and love to all twins during this dark time of the year. I sense that the main machine is going to keep churning and churning until things are set straight. Time as an ever exploding flower which turns dark, decays the life and rebirths it all into a new form is the best example of what is going on. We are being pushed through something different than what human existence is used to. You can call it whatever you would like, but I sense it is to shake off all of the non-truth we have come to know as real.

I am going back to the luxury of being a baby. I am sleeping a ridiculous amount of hours with no worries at all. I am trusting of the mother. I feel safe in the arms of the Universe and I plan to grow strong once again, unraveling years of damage.

I’m watching many things go on at once and being on the other side of the wall, I have no fear about what’s to happen or is already happening. It’s supposed to and as rough as it feels sometimes, it will be ok. Everything will be ok. Each time I feel slightly unnerved I remind myself there is nothing to fear or doubt. And there isnt.

This all has happened for a reason. The darkness is getting tighter and darker. As I fall into the hole and down the slide I hold my breath before it sends me to the new place I should be. I have been preparing for this for awhile. It’s been telling me to work faster so that I’m ready.

Time has changed. Something slipped and is moving at a different pace. I’m not sure if anyone else can feel that. Something is behind it and I’m following my intuition daily to get what I must out of life as it cracks and becomes brittle and begins to fall away at the edges. Air is so different now.

I stay centered, locked through my core and it is drawn down through the Earth to the magnetic magma that is pulsing. As it shifts, I flex and shift with it. Like a surfer, I am liquid to the flow. Just keep going. Pieces of things will be thrown at you, above you, below you. Stay centered and focused.

Let the tension keep pulling you to where you must go. It knows and you follow it. It will bring you back through to the light.

Additional thoughts..

Cracking twin code

I’m talking to four new twins on EP. Experience Project is an amazing source of twins and I’ve been using it for months. It’s very easy to find and talk to twins on there and most of my new twin friends come from there.

As one that speaks to twins in all facets of separation (the game) let me let you in on something.

It’s all a lie.

I am losing friends over being so blunt about it and it happens because twin friends push other twin friends buttons. I think the Universe set it up that way on purpose. We move each other along. Not that were not going fast enough already.

I talk to one twin friend. She is adamant about forgetting her twin (so she is the runner, although it was he who was running in the past (and he ran many many times)) and keeping on with husband and family. I ask her very sharp questions about how it feels. Would you date someone else besides your twin? Yes. Why? And then the tears come and it’s quite evident that she cannot begin to handle the ego part of this. She is holding it in to keep herself going and now I feel bad. And she gets physically SICK each time we have these deep conversations. Like cannot stay grounded because it throws her plan off of not addressing this right now.

I have another friend who is no longer speaking to her twin because he is married and wont leave his wife (but is fine w sleeping w her from time to time but wont stay the night.) They have been on and off for over twenty years. She has given up on him and now is dating a European. I say: What would happen if he were to walk through the door and tell you he divorced his wife. She looks at me like I slashed her throat and she says quietly: I would probably cry. But her last words to him were FUCK YOU as he was texting her madly. They got in a fight.

And this is why I write what I write so brazenly because you can see through both sides when you keep asking the questions. Neither side is free is ego. Neither side is free of bad decision making. We just, in our early stages, don’t know how to delicately go about this because our twins push so many of our buttons. And were not ready for that. Were not trained to deal with it. And some opt to run away and pretend that it doesnt matter.. And some opt to write twin flame blogs. And some just write off their twin like they never existed. Sad.

Neither side is wrong. This is what you learned and were taught and is natural to you. But that must break. That fear must break.

I am an artist. I am not lucky like many twins because I cant stay offline for too long. I have to build my company, my name and my following and it is essential I keep that moving despite wanting to climb under a rock and sleep for about 300 years. My twin and I both have social anxiety. I figured my own anxiety out when I quit drinking. It is very hard for me to go to a bar or a party without drinking because people’s energy, in all of it’s wonderous forms, is just too much for me. And that’s a great calmer, alcohol. So I am very much to myself a lot.

I can’t come online and write something like this and then say fuck my twin, I’m gonna go bang 6- 20 other hot guys. Oh, I can. Trust me, I have in the past. But currently, that isnt part of the plan because I did drop ego and I cannot lie. I have no interest in other men anymore. Yea sure, they smell nice and sometimes are ok looking, but if I already have a metaphysical husband, why do I need a stupid boyfriend? To pretend? I dont need to pretend. I met my one. I will see him once all aligns and my art empire is finished. That is where my energy goes now.

The ego part of this is a giant lie. I’m gonna make up 50 reasons why I cant be with my twin when I think about them 50 thousand times a day and stalk x number of their internet sites just as much per day. I’m going to continue on like nothing happened and stay stuck in a traditional mindset and not accelerate and not grow and not ascend. I’m going to watch this from a distance, pretending as if I were the victim, yet the whole time, trying to upset my twin with my stupid actions just to help them understand how much they get to me. I gonna pick apart my twin when really I should be doing inner introspection and working on myself.

It is all such a lie. It’s not true to you, how you feel or what you want to do, yet you’re still doing it.


Just ask yourself why? And if you have valid reasons, fix them so that they can realign with allowing your twin back in.

Don’t lie to your twin, because they will then mirror it and then lie back to you.

What on Earth??

<p>There’s something much bigger than Joaquin coming. The energy signatures are so loopy and out of order Im having a hard time reading them. Similarities exist: friends in hiding and falling apart, severely high energy, more deaths, more cleansing, faster motion, severe organization. To exact points. If the energy from Joaquin was a blob, this thing Im feeling is a super stellated dodecahedron with super sharp points swirling. Its like shes becoming a giant disco. Im having a hard time keeping up reading it. This is going to be unbelievable. Im getting chills, already. And somehow time is involved with this.</p>

The lights in your eyes

Ah, she’s so bright. She keeps showing me the way.

About nine months ago I gave up magic spells because I realized, I didnt need to do them. That I had absolutely no control over anything. And she and I wrested. And like I had this happen once before as a drunk 19 year old, she pinned me to the ground and I said,” OK, OK, you win.”

I can’t manipulate anything except the energy flowing off of myself. We can only control ourselves. And I keep that at 100,000 % unless I’m sick and then it’s one quarter of that.

I had to let a twin flame go this week. I feel bad. She wasn’t listening to my advice and kept going in circles and I just don’t have the time or effort to watch you drown yourself. Nor you sass me and tell me you know how to control yourself when you don’t or that you fixed all your behaviors when clearly,..Case in point: back to square one again w her every two months. I file her as “gonna have to save herself.”

I can only do so much. Consider me a distant hug and a shoulder to cry on. But you keep going back to the abuser and keep crying to me you got punched again. Like, c’mon!

Cassie brought up that I need to tag these blogs to find them easily and I will put that on my list of stuff to take care of as well as “Strange things that happen” needs to be revised.

I find with twins, they come to me or I go to them and we work out so many problems and I am sent away. Like they really don’t need me any further, they have relinquished certain problems and are free. As am I. This is good. More twins keep coming into the circle. I’m here to help those that need help. And will take some form of action.

Very interesting that I’ve found my cats to be exactly what I needed as far as an education for me to deal with this better. The one cat is voracious and will attack anything (me) and the other is gentle and wouldn’t come near me for 6 months. (my twin.) Both need love, but forms of love are different. The cat that has taught me the most is more like my twin. Dealing with fear in a cat is perfect for this. Baron is her name.

And Baron was so flipped out by my method of catching her that she would hide under furniture for 5 months straight. So I just stopped chasing her. And then I would be on the phone on speaker and she would walk over to my bed and try to see what was going on. And run away. And I found a toy that calmed her. And she will now mush this toy with her head. But I had to be holding it for her to advance towards me. To feel safe. I could see what she was thinking and the toy was almost a fantasy. It’s a fluffy feather toy with bells, so it goes after three senses (sight, sound and touch) as well as smell because her mother would always chew it. OK, now we’re getting places.

Animals like routine and so I have a routine, Baron being the slow one, I call her and it takes her a half hour to come down stairs (ha ha bunny) And we do an early morning sit and pet (4-5:30 am) and a 9:30 pm one. If I’m out, it’s later, but the idea is solid. This came into solidification after I went on vacation and I was missing for 5 days. They were quite lovey dovey when I got back.

Now the other cat, Daddy, who is a girl, long story, educates me with her hunting style. Men are hunters, we all know. They have to make 650 different plans to catch it and think about it before it can just be frickin’ caught. Women aren’t like this. We want something, we just grab it. Men dont find this mentality fun at all. So I let her hunter ways teach me. She goes completely apeshit if she can’t catch something or if it hides, she will sit next to where it is hiding. FOR HOURS. But if I just shove it near her or in her face, she is not interested whatsoever.

Cats, who knew.

I’m going to let go of the last part of this blog for now. I will write it another day.

Last pieces that I need to mention:

I have to be vague as anything I write gets mirrored and so I will keep my life as private as possible. There’s a few things I’d like to discuss that I can’t on here. But instead, let me make a go to list for those without their twin who are bugging..


  1. My twin loves me more than anyone else in the world.
  2. This understanding calms me
  3. This understanding releases me from judgment and fear
  4. I am eternal and infinite
  5. I am not what I was taught, I am always learning and I forgive myself for things I have done and things my twin has done in the past.
  6. I do not base how I feel about my twin on egotistical judgments and fear, but love and acceptance.
  7. Higher and higher and higher and higher and higher: that’s where were going and I look forward to all that life brings to me.
  8. I will not fall back on useless routines that have proven negative or stunting.
  9. Each day is a day closer to you: to my twin and to universal knowledge.
  10. I am love. My twin is love. We are all connected. We all love each other.
  11. I am a happy person that is excited about what is to come next.

We need that light. When each day passes and many are heavy, we need to remember who we really are. Energetic forms of light and love. Not the negativity or silly notions of evil.

Cheers and have a great night.

1,000 things

Im growing stronger than ever. As the old drops off, it is like being reborn. I am limitless.

To be personal..I always have the day before my period as an indicator of what comes next..pain and the inability to move. But the day before that, my body goes into hyperdrive and I end up cleaning small nooks and crannies as if I were on a coke binge. I get 3 days worth of to-do lists done on one day. You’ve never seen me move so fast. Always the day before. Sometimes, I’ll sit there and have a gentle nudge in the stomach (early period cramps are euphoric, exciting and make me horny- similar to a cat on the hunt with eyes fully dialated) And I’ll be detail cleaning a grille on a vent after I just cleaned every corner of a room in 12 minutes flat and be like..ahh..tomorrows the day..haha.

And so Ive wondered why I cant have this day more often as I would be unstoppable. And time after time, it just doesnt happen. Until now.

Im not sure what happened. I think I broke the “if I do it now or later, it wont matter,” belief. Or the “Im not worth it” belief. But I sit in a chair for two minutes now and Im like,” How do I get further up this ladder?” Before I would put it on paper and look and think about it and now..I take four different choices, figure out time frame and smoosh it into a spot in my day. Why? Not only am I limitless and my energy is infinite, but my instinct tells me, “The time is five minutes ago..get the fuck up and move Debbie!! Make moves NOW!”

And so I have been. And its working.

I will have an online art market up by next Tuesday. I will have things to sell on it. All professional and shit 😄. You are what you believe you are and just as my twin has do I. In fact, I have every single thing my twin has. And we both deal w it a different way based on our beliefs. Thats why I can forgive each one of the things he does. He’s me.

This week I figured it out. Get everything off the to-do list. Start a new one. GO! Dont spend time on limiting activities. Focus soley on two things a day. Get them done. Hit the gym in the morning and do two more things. Each day. Two really big things. Yesterday was cut my whole backyard’s grass and repaint my whole bathroom from top to bottom flawlessly. Theyre done now and off the list. Next! Next! Next!

Ps. Grant Haffner just started following me on Tumblr….dope!

Nothing is impossible. Tim Ferris is a great writer and documents this process in his blog, his website and his books. He even tells you..reach out to people you admire, the untouchables, famous people for interviews to understand this dynamic. Organize your time correctly, focus on your goals, do things you are afraid to do. Start w the 4 Hour Work Week..amazing! I love reading about sucessful people. It excites me and helps me understand what Im not doing right.

If we erase the false beliefs that sustain the old and realize that those were just illusions, then we can do anything we want to acheive our goals. Im gonna do it. I will be the model, the role model of limitlessness. My next endeavor is lose 20 lbs in one month. This takes an amazing amount of focus and willpower but it can be done.( see 4 Hour Body, another Tim Ferris book) I have 60 to lose so this will have to be lived very close to the bone daily.. for a sustained period of time.

Again. Nothing is impossible. The energy that has been flowing through me is not even allowing me to fall back on old regimes. I have got to move or I am bored or not impressed or whatever you want to call too stagnant. I will move mountains and be juicy and cute and vivacious with dialted pupils the whole time, licking energy’s butthole for extra juice. I do not care. She and I are coming into our own. Less fights. More romantic runs. More spiralling our fingers in circles to make it work for us together. Im just a middle man. I explain the process. She imbues it with reality. I am grateful for you. For her and you and you and you. And for him. For all of you and finally being out of the dark.

Have a happy Friday. 💕🐇❤😘

Parting thought

(today is our anni..10/18/13)

When I met my twin, we couldnt separate even the first night. I said,” I probably should go home,” after two drinks and he said,” I dont want you to go.” And I said,” I dont want to leave.”

And I didnt. It was a magical night for me, it didnt matter how it went. I felt it went fantastic 😊

And the next day I insisted as he walked me to the train, that I take a selfie of us on one hour of sleep. And we did. And I sent it to him. He ended up skating w friends later that day who remarked when they saw us, ” You two look like youve been together forever.”

That’s because we have been.

We will never part. There is no physical way to rip us apart. And the same goes for all of the rest of the twins. We are always connected. In dark times, remember, you always have your love inside.

You are never alone. We are always together. And our love will never die. It is infinite.

I extend my love to all of the twins looking for hope who pass through here.

And Happy Anniversary to us. 💕🐇


Something has accelerated. Something is different in the energy and the air this week. Even weirder than usual. I dont know whats happening, maybe my senses have been increasing.

The last two hurricanes that formed: I can hear them. They make this sound as if I’m listening to them from space..whoof, whoof, whoof, whoof..I can somehow hear the spinning part of it. But I hear them sped up. It’s really weird. It’s all quiet and then I hear that barely audible whooshing sound.

This is what I feel and see. We have been all been having an awakening since about 2008. And since, things are breaking apart, including weak friendships. This does not affect me as I dont need to hold onto anything anymore. Im not concerned with the usual clattering that people go on about. People fight online a lot and I want nothing to do with it as neither side is right. Im slowly turning back into an energy sphere and my only real need to communicate has been to tie up ends and calm family and friends and explain this. Instead, Im back to art to say what I don’t feel like saying w/ my mouth. Talking gets tired. Im here with everyone. My presence has become a lot more still.

I had a twin email me this week the same problems she had months ago and it was because she wanted to take the same route with it as a doormat for the unavailable twin. Dont. Just dont. She was sure she had fixed her issues, yet was still only at the end of grieving. Twins cant lie to other twins. I can read right thru what she said and where she’s at. She’s got a ways to go.

People on the East Coast are worried. Im enthralled. Already we have this energy a swirling up here, I can feel it. This will be my first hurricane at my new house. The electric will cut and I have everything prepared for what comes next. Unless a tree smashes the roof in and then whatever. I dont really worry. I’m more excited to see how it plays out and how many dead branches will come down in the wind. Or trees. And pray my basement can handle any upwards of 7 inches of rain. It does fine with 5. We havent had any rain for 4 months, we really need it. My creek dried up three months ago.

Each week there is a thing. The energy tells me what the thing is. Last week it was the moon, this week/next week, its the hurricane. But whats the week after? Hopefully nothingness. I could use some time off.

My mind is on the very few things left I must finish before I leave here. My gut tells me my time here is short and I’ll be whisked off to a new locale in a short bit. The idea is to organize before so that all falls into place.

I’m also making new art. I have such a hard time focusing that I’ve had to cut off many old habits to make the space for this. I am super calm and focused.

I had another bad twin dream of me missing our wedding. I slept thru it. This is something I would have done in 2007, but not now. I was frantic, couldnt remember his number, his and my family were everywhere in this upscale mall. And then I asked myself: think back to when we decided this. I stood and remembered him calling me a week prior and us making up and deciding on short notice to tie the knot in a small wedding. Someone drugged me. It was the Universe. She wouldnt allow it.

Ah, the joys of separation. The one in the sky says no continually. Very similar to the hurricane whoosing. “No, no, no, no..” Just like the irritating, overbearing mother you try to escape, ” Not til you’re clean and done kids!!”



How the TF mirror works

So the grand idea is to stop negativity from mirroring and only mirror love. How do you do that? You break false core beliefs about yourself.

Perfect example. I write a shitty comment or do something that my twin does not deem acceptable to his ego. He feels its a threat and is going to mirror my threat with another intended “threat.” He then tries to defend himself by hurting me. It’s a knee jerk response most of the time. He does something that before I would normally be upset by. I wont say what, I’ll actually be modest for once. However, I have broken the false core belief stating that such a thing could hurt me. I am much more solid than before 😉

So then instead, I see his lashing out as a few different things, but most importantly: AN ILLUSION OF A THREAT, not a real threat. (How do we know its an illusion? Your twin loves you more than anyone. Get used to reminding yourself that.) Number one, I try to figure out what has pissed him off that he reacted to. Your twin will mirror perfectly EVERYTHING that gets to them, that they see inadvertently, even in separation (stalking.) Two, I dont react. Three, I see it that he is still vulnerable and we cannot be together because he does react to it negatively and cannot stop the mirror yet. Four, my mindset changes it from a threat to an act of love.

Until both twins can stop a negative reaction and turn it back into understanding that it is just an illusion and see it only as love and caring, then they cannot be together. Over time, you both will.

Another great exercise is to figure out how to not negatively react to anything. Silence or love. That’s all that should be emitted from your being. I, myself, do still react sometimes to negativity and Im doing my best to stop that. It takes practice. We grew up in a crazy world with parents that taught us a myriad of wonderful things. All in good time.

Another smorgasbord of blog by yours truly/ Open Relationship

This is how writing works. You are cleaning your kitchen and you begin speaking out sentences of what you’re going to say. It becomes a monologue and then more ideas attach as your brain feels free to pursue more avenues. It is then suspended with so much, it becomes a sopping wet sponge that must be wrung out immediately, very similar to the sensation of having to pee. Except with your mind.

I was speaking to one of my newer twin friends and I said the TF relationship is basically like a really long and involved open relationship. And it is. IF you know you are twin flames, then you understand the stages are the gospel and that you will technically get back together and that you’re never truly separate, and then one or both begins fucking the pain away and ends up getting into another relationship, well, then, BOOP. How is that any different from an open relationship?

This happens a lot. I know most of my twins’ others has ANOTHER person in their life. It is called the pawn, gently speaking, in my mind, as they are to be discarded after lessons are learned and the other twin pull their heads out of their ego and move into a real relationship with you again: the spiritual relationship where you both are honest, forge forward with all energy balanced and want to make something together. WITHOUT FEAR marring the relationship.

I had a heated discussion with the Universe en route to secure a laptop for this event (as writing on WordPress mobile is absolutely uncivilized.) I said to her “At least come up with a better illusion for me to believe so that I could consider this a break up or something. Even if he got married and took 17 million selfies with pawn of the year I still would not believe the illusion.” She sighed. And then looked at me and told me that she would keep beating me painfully and torture me to no end, just short of me offing myself. I told her to go fuck herself and that’s how that went. She’s a little on edge today. We both are. 😉

I talk to young twins (ones who just got into separation) and some speak as I spoke before. “Oh when he gets it together in a month or two.” LOLLLLLL. Think of separation like a fine wine or maybe even like a mutual fund. The only thing that makes your relationship better is time at this point. You arent going to get right back together because those paths need air and pawns and lessons and the AH HA moment of WTF am I doing without my twin. Those things do not come if time is not taken. In fact, I feel as if time compounds lessons.

I had two mini separations with mine and two weeks at a clip wasn’t solving what we had going on. If anything, things had only grown horrifically worse as each time, as the negativity mirrored worse and worse. If we hadn’t separated, we might not be alive today 😉

Which brings me into seeing this a lot on the boards. “Does anyone know anything about false twin flames because mine seems like a demon.” They seem like a demon because they are mirroring your fears, again compounded, because it’s the work of TWO frightful people, not just one. Black is not the darkest color in the world. No. I have seen farrrrr deeper than black. And it stinks of forgotten love. There are no false twin flames, folks. Nope. Your twin is SUPPOSED to act like a totally fucked piece of shit asshole, believe it or not. It’s so you separate and feel every painful thing on Earth you can to grow and vibrate higher. And then they stop acting like a demon because YOU AREN’T acting like a demon. So it’s safe then. (So then who’s the asshole..haha)

Please note: Use this time away wisely. Do not squander it. Separation is to learn how to be happy despite your twin not being with you. I know twins that did get back together before they really learned that and they got back together and had to break apart. And they are still apart and both are miserable because they didnt learn that one lesson. How to be happy alone. How to be happy with one’s life and achievements.

Many twins, in early stages think of all of their twins problems instead of their own. But he does this and he’s a mess and she is this. What are YOU? Realize you separated because you both have issues. If you didnt have issues, you wouldnt have separated because you would not have mirrored FEAR. It’s two sided. Just a reminder. I think of all of my problems and I still have plenty to work thru but it is a slow and steady battle, hence why separation takes so long. This is the whole reason for separation: TO WORK THROUGH YOUR OWN PROBLEMS, NOT YOUR TWINS.

I get upset sometimes that others can have these normal relationships and be together with the one they want. I cant. But then I look at all that I do have. Im as a twin, am considered one of the Earth’s elite. We are. All of us. We are the harbingers of truth and love and reality. We read energy. We can get further, energetically. And you have got to remind yourself that no matter what, your twin loves you more than anything in the world. Even when they’re unable to be there in person or mentally. They are always there energetically. And it hurts them greatly, lies, pretending and ego wall fully intact, not to be with you.

So, enjoy your freedom. Whatever happens is supposed to happen. Even if it is unpleasant. This is all a learning experience. You dont have to feel guilty. Enjoy all that you can.The sky is the limit. This planet and your body are the limit, for now.

Wave X

I was just alerted by a twin flame online yesterday about this phenomena called wave X. Heres a link about it. And to many people it would sound very hokey, but I’ve been feeling this energy firsthand and it is unbelievably powerful.

I already knew about the super moon full moon eclipse happening next Sunday night the 27th. And I’ve lived through many full moon eclipses, even with super moons and the energy that I have been feeling for the past week or so has been so strong that I knew that there was a factor missing. If we are absorbing gamma rays and electromagnetic frequencies from space because of some large event then that would answer why I have been going nonstop. Yesterday alone I woke up at 6:30 in the morning after going to bed at 1 a.m. and did not even rest until 10 p.m. Not once. I got soooo much stuff done, it was crazy. And my energy did not slow, just recycled itself faster. Last night I went to bed at 1:30 a.m. and was up at 6 a.m. this morning and I feel fine and I feel ready to get the rest of the stuff done on my to do list.

I’ve been alerted to this week being special for some reason. And I knew that the eclipse and the super moon we’re going to happen but something was missing from the description. This wave X event explanation makes total sense to me. There are a few articles about it online and it does speak about twin flames as we’re a bit more sensitive to energy. Please Google Wave X and read about it.

Let me also add in the fact that I keep getting stories and emails written to me about Twin Flames feeling an amazing amount of love over the past week. That love that you are feeling is from the source. Bathe in it!

Cheers and have a nice week. I know the energy is ridiculously high right now. Do your best to get rest when possible.


A ways back, 16 deleted Tumblrs ago, on Twinflame Torture, I wrote about how in separation we have to “close the story” with old loves, old friends, etc. There’s an open story: people find out that you’re single, then listen to the twin flame story you tell them and think you’re crazy, but still wont leave. Or maybe you dont tell them the story. But you don’t want them there. Each story has it’s own way of closing. I’ve closed tons of stories just by sending energy when these situations pop up. I closed one two weeks ago and then I closed a big story last weekend. I have to close another one tonight. Seems I have a Finnish guy who liked going to my bar (he was my patron. 8 years ago, really) that is kinda like a bad penny. He thinks I’m wifey material, even though he can barely speak to me. Great looking guy, model-esque, but way too boring for me. I’ve brushed him off tons of times (it’s always the ones you push away) and still doesnt quite get it so I will have to write a rough email tonight.

We may have very old karma to hash out. I don’t care what it is. Like in the song Marx and Engels,” There was no coming onto her, there was no way.” I have knockers on each one of the doors and windows and all of them are ringing with twins needing help, family, work, art career and my own needs a knocking. I have no time to play games with people I want no future with.

Twins often find themselves unable to date others after this. And we try, we really try, but all of our potentials end up ringing out the same energy as us: UNAVAILABLE. Just do whatever feels right to you. It will fluctuate like everything else. But please close all of the stories you can that need to be closed. No need for spent energy pools draining you. Clean up your contacts and prune off the ones that just no longer fit. Even if they are close friends who are being negative or ungrateful. No need for that in your life. I can’t tell you how many people I’ve lost in this pruning session but it was for the better. I can focus on the people who I want and need to talk to now.


(This blog was written on a plane from Denver to Philadelphia and then my battery died so it may sound somewhat scattered. I apologize. There’s a lot to add to this because it is essentially thee experience one goes through during separation that is very important.)

I use a lot of Matrix references but that’s cos its so perfect in that it describes life in many ways. The gleaming land of fakeness that we live in, ego and the internal, actual life which may not be pretty, but is real.
I’m finding it easier to turn messed up thoughts around quicker. Each time I think one up it has to go through a cascading series of why. Why Debbie? Why does it matter? Why does it bother you? Why are you taking this to heart? The more I go through this questioning, the more I see that everything is relative and my opinion matters none. That no matter what, it falls into nothingness by the time it gets to the bottom. I am able to see other perspectives. I am able to turn the negative into positives now.

The questioning of negatives is slowly cutting me into a better person. Not to say I still don’t snap. This month is full of snaps. Oof. But the more I keep twirling the question around me, the less it can effect me and then I become more of a forcefield rather than a sponge.

As twins, we absorb and process everything super quickly. Time begins to race the moment you meet your twin. That’s because one lifetime is so short. We have to go through a conduit to get to the other side and its like being smooshed into a very tight sausage casing. It hurts, its depressing. You are yelling into air. But the further you go through it, you realize that you are responsible for all of the pain you put yourself through. You. Not your twin. All pain resides in your mind and once you can handle switching back to a better perspective, time after time choosing positive over negative: you are reconditioning yourself to be a stronger, better machine. So much of the twin flame stuff in separation is in your mind because that’s where you hear them, that’s where you feel the judgments and pain and all bad thoughts come from there too. All delusions, illusions, ghosts that we have built have their residence in your mind.
If we can get fast enough, and shit yo, were fast to start with, then nothing can stop us. We are already unstoppable, ever connected and infinite but what do you believe? Once we begin changing our past conditioning of negative influences we can break away from the shell that is human. It is all in the mind.

We are able to take fear and switch it to patience then trust again. Ultimately, the idea is not to feel fear or doubt at all, but to only feel love and trust.

I speak with twins in all stages of separation from beginning to the almost end. The early stage separation twins are still babies. They have no outer casing yet, no strong core to sheild themselves with and I feel obligated to assist and walk them through what is happening since I didnt really have that. I had twins to talk to, as lost as myself. But you are unable in that early stage to fend for yourself because you don’t understand just how large this is. As you work on the behavioral changes and emotional switches, things do begin to shift. It’s a process that happens naturally, your reconditioning into a very strong soul with unlimited potential and abilities because you are no longer holding yourself back. Very much like Neo, you can move faster than what’s coming at you.

I have moments when I am alone and able to concentrate and music comes on and all of the web illuminates and I’m getting messages and sending messages to twins/to my twin. Like a digital processor, I’m no longer human at these moments. Mostly though, this happens instantaneously without me having to control it. It is automatic. We are so unbelievably connected to each other that I don’t even remember what old life was like. I go to work and KNOW who will randomly pop up at my job. Even with non-twins now. I have to watch what I think sometimes.

Truth is always going to shine through. As energy readers, we can’t fake it. And as time goes on, we get used to this premise, that we must share and not hide because it only mirrors badly and works against us if we do hide. Everything gets put on the table, but, really, does it matter? No. None of that matters. We must stay resilient and shine through despite fear. That is how we get back to love.


There’s a formula for everything on this Earth. It’s a mathematical equation of things, in most cases. Three likes and a comment gets you a new friend on Instagram, usually. However, it’s the energy that keeps you friends. You have to GIVE likes to get them. I know people with 900 followers that will only get 8 likes on a pic because they are greedy. They never give any love. If you dont give love, you dont get love. So give love and plentifully, in praise and time. And focus your love on those who you feel need it, not to meaningless fluff.

This blog is going to be a series of recent equations so bear with me. A lot is surfing in from the center of things.

SEPT 20-28th

I was just speaking with a twin this morning about the strength of this next eclipse saying I expected something similar to Fukushima Earthquake/tsunami and today I was checking the earthquake maps and things had ramped up along the Ring of Fire since the day before. There were 5’s and 6’s coming in and just now there was a HUGE ONE (8.3) in Chile and the aftershocks are unreal. Tsunami alerts for Cali, New Zealand, Hawaii and Chile already had one. Most notably: Papau New Guinea, Indonesia, Cali, Alaska and Chile are in very strong spots for something exciting and even Oklahoma’s are getting more frequent.

earthquakes today

I just took this screenshot at 1:52 a.m. EDT Yesterday’s energy was high, but todays is electric and it’s unreal. I wonder how this will play out over the next few days as eclipse super moon earthquakes are HUGE. I suspect more and even expect a larger one, but perhaps tonight is the high point. We’ll see.


Twin flames make contracts between themselves while they are on good terms. This is important to remember. In separation, it feels like war. Remember to fight fair and keep your eyes on your own paper. I spoke with a twin this morning in a ten year separation with hers and they are finally sailing back together despite her having to raise their kids alone. And then I read another one about how this one lied and cheated and did drugs and cheated again and again. It was a horrible story. I look at all of the twin situations as their own solo equations. Each twin set has decided their fates before they came into this life. And so, you agreed on a lot of this together. Many times both twins are the same amount of enlightened, they just forget that in separation. Some twins are further along than others. It comes down to learning your lessons. When separate, just let them be. The worry that things wont turn out right is a lot of stress to bear. Just trust in what unfolds and begin to watch patterns. In very little time, it will make a lot of sense to you. Even in separation, I am so proud of twin friends as they move from anger and grieving to unconditional love. It does make sense over time, just let it unfold and you both will change.

Twin Flame benefits

You become aware of all of what you are and how limitless you are. Understanding what were here to do and our past lives and the connections between humans is a much more profound thing than I thought as the words are said. Living it is another realm of amazing. We are psychic together, with each other, with most people, we can guess a lot of what will happen, we feel our twins energy even when they wont talk to us, we attract people like magnets including members of our soul families and begin to heal and vibrate higher super quickly.

I’m writing another blog to expand this but technically, once all of this is understood, that should diminish fear and without fear we are unstoppable.

Getting over the rough part

I have two twin friends that are hitting walls hard. They are having a hard time with life and for the same reason. They have alot of drama in their lives. They yell alot, they arent happy with things and take things for granted. They take me for granted but I dont take it personally anymore. And I can see from a distance that it’s because they arent viewing their lives from a beneficial frame of mind. How can I make lemonade from shit? Well, the shit is actually every fruit on Earth and you are just seeing all of it as shit. They’re not grateful for what they have and theyre failing and hitting the wall. I love them to death and that’s why I’m NOT helping them. I give small pieces of advice, but ultimately I want them to figure it out.

Each day I do a small minute or two of thanks for things. It’s to turn my mind from lack to abundance. I have everything I need. I lack nothing but a trip to Tahiti (soon) I can have whatever I want and I will attract whatever I need. I know I am in control of that and its all inside of me.

Ego wall

At this point I roll around the twins in conversations and they go from super serious to depressing to whatever. Some understand the tf structure as one they must endure and theyre willing to get through it. Others are still at step one, blaming their twin and it’s years later. It’s not just one’s fault. The runner doesnt CHOOSE to lose their voices. They are merely mirroring your fears. So if you truly want your runner back, diminish your fears and they will mirror you.

I was very angry for a long time and now I just laugh. I can’t help it. I cant even take it seriously anymore. WE ARE ALREADY CONNECTED and were upset about WORDS? Or ACTIONS? When we have the world in our hands? With all of this knowledge? That we are endless and there is just an ego wall in the way? We are touched by source daily, we are source energy, we can move mountains, we can invent anything, we only want to be together, we feel unconditional love for each other. And yet, we cant TALK to each other for YEARS? That just makes no sense to me. I get it, that separation forces to confront things by this imaginary wall of ego that falls away when we release fear. But for years?! Really? Ack! When we already talk daily, energetically?

We have to get to the point where we realize we love all beings in the world and our twin so why is it we talk to everyone except them? I have a hard time understanding this part at this point. What’s the use to pretend anymore? Just seems silly to me.

Another twin I spoke to today is really far ahead for a young one, shes like 20, and she knows this relationship structure with her eyes closed. Everyone gets to that point. Well, most do, I think. The chaser humbles out and calms down, gives out advice to less experienced twins and can read the Universe and it’s creation back and forth and the runner loses fear, realizes all of what this connection is and its benefits and can handle it again.

Blows my mind.

The formula for the twin flame relationship is written out and staged and all we have to do is make it though, successfully. Understanding your own reactions and fears and behaviors helps this go a lot faster. Implementing those changes to the above is the harder part but can and must be done. I have faith in all of us. I have seen amazing changes in twins in just a few days after knowledge of how it works gets passed to them. They go, “Oh wow!” And veer off in a stronger, better direction.

We are learning everyday so fast and I’m proud of all of us. We’ve all come so far 🙂

Sexy air

Is everyone else feeling the pure and raw sex energy in the air or is it just me? Woooooooooo! Like I was telling a twin this afternoon, it’s silky and fun. 🙂

I see many lines and angles set up in geometric ways to connect myself and many others into something. This gets illuminated during these high energy times. The more I unravel, the more that comes to me. The calmer I am, the easier I am to penetrate. Instead of fighting, the quieter I am, the more it comes to me. The more I organize myself, I see steps and boxes around me and these things/people/luck come to sit upon the boxes I have erected.

All is well in Debbie Land. I am doing what I must to change things on a daily basis 🙂


Ended up going into a bowl ceremony Saturday night that was madness. No one could sit still. Even the dude who met us at the store couldnt calm down. Yip yip yapping, it was straight-up nuts energy. Got in, laid down and the five dings on the bell were totally different than usual. Usually it’s just a dingggggg. And it dies. This time, each one was long and moved up and down in wavelength about 7 times before it stopped. “DiiingggggGGGGGggggGGGGGgggggGGGGG”

I was like..WHAT?! The solar eclipse changes audible TONES! OMG!

I was totally blown away by this. All I could see during the ceremony was color combinations and good future paintings to paint. Maybe I’ve cleaned my schmutz out so much that there’s no residue left? In three ceremonies? That’s it? Shut up, no way!

I will go back a few times more to see how things change based on moon phases.

I feel major shifting this month for the better 🙂

You know what they say..

A writer should always have a nice, quiet country house in which to produce novels .

I’m not sure what has happened but it’s as if I have found the knife to cut the atmosphere and I’m slicing it like butter. The two sides..the non twin and common side are both merging. Energy is frantic and finally moving.

I’m excited to see how this plays out. I have a few very interesting seeds that are growing. I wonder what will come of them.

I have been enlightened with the understanding that doing the same thing over and over and having no result is not a great way to continue. And thus, I will “change things.” I think it’s time to start doing things much differently. 😉

Dissolving your ego

To dissolve your ego you have to understand the framework behind fear. It is an illusion. Much like any looming thing you worry about. What about this or that? What if it doesn’t work?

Lets step back and look at the worst things that can happen to you. You are a soul so your body, no matter what is just a vessel and if you die, you just move into a new body, you feel no pain, you don’t even remember any of it. So death is easy and no longer a fear if you understand this. What is then scary?  A stranger breaking into your house? Being physically attacked? You cannot control these things either. And the possibility of them happening are not as large as most people imagine.

What is scary to you? And why? What do you feel you would lose if you were to go through with the pain or dealing with it?

On the flipside, my understanding is that there is only love or confusion. Confusion from where love resides and therefore fear gets grouped into confusion. All beings are trying to connect to the source, the love, the web of connection. Because of illusions placed in our minds by our elders constantly..”Don’t do this, that’s a bad idea, you don’t even want to try that.,” we are held within a box of dont’s for a very long time until we break those illusions. The illusion that you arent worthy enough to be fearless, to be successful, or for love. These are all lies that you must break and stop believing.

Once you realize that all of these things taught to you to “protect you” are doing more harm than good, the framework disappears and fear subsides. Once you see the fear in other’s behavior and actions, you see that everyone was basically trained sadly the same way. The reason why people yell or attack or freak out is fear based. It is the ego protecting itself. But one has to get past that worry. No one is trying to hurt you. Ultimately, the only person who can hurt you is you. Through your mind, through bad decisions, through stagnance.

If someone attempts to hurt you, it’s because they have been hurt themselves and this is their reaction.

We often say we wish we could die. We can’t. Our energy and souls are eternal. We just keep circling. Understanding that and all of the above, the ego is unnecessary. If you want love, you must exude love. Fear and ego prevents that. I ask twins what would happen if your runner came back? Would you talk to them? And some say no. I, at one point, have said no, based on ego based behavior. But that will not get us anywhere if we constantly mirror a closed and cold heart. One must open their heart, RISK everything for this type of connection to make it work.

Once you realize that your fears have no basis in truth, the fear structure that you were built on will crumble. And then you can really live life. In honesty, truth and love.

September to remember

Cavorting between 98% humidity and 10% humidity does a series of fights on the system. A nose bleed, dry lips, inability to ever be moisturized are three of my best for the week. Water is important. Percentages are important. But strong fluctuations on any system reek havoc and this is what we can look forward to for the next few weeks. This mess began the second the market in China plunged.

We have so much going on this month. Closing of doors and instituting new rules and learning lessons are part of this. Old regimes crumbling leaning to new growth. A change in disposition. Fear is sweeping through everything from the market to relationships to politics. People read stuff like this like a horoscope and think, “ how much more BAD do I have to encounter? Im tired of change!” Yes this has been going on since 2008. An ever rolling ball of spontaneity and adventure. Im not Indiana Jones and neither are you. But what if instead of seeing all change as bad we viewed it as good?

We make jokes because this sounds like the same thing over and over. There is no joke. Mother nature is shaking us free of all unnecessary attachments. Its just taking a really long time.

My landscaper came in today and had a concerned look and I said,” I know, Mikes in trouble.” And hes like I just got the phone call, how did you know that? And I said cos I can feel him. Seems he wants to keep pushing himself into the same walls over and over again. But this month is different because he hurt himself so bad from it that he can no longer move. A lesson is soon to be learned.

Life wont have it. Over the past ten years Ive had my own fun learning lessons. Each time I got too messed up drinking bad things would happen. Not just kind of bad, but horrifically bad. And anytime I quit, immediately good things would come into my life. Life shows you what you should and shouldn’t do. This month, life is going to be head locking many of us until we say “Uncle!” Its all for good.

Being somewhat psychic gets me into trouble w people who are not ready for it and that happens a lot. You can’t jump steps. People think youre insane if you start texting them..”I know youre in trouble man. I know we havent spoken in 5 months, but just chill, it will pass,” does not fly. Feeling peoples’ energy and making deductions doesnt fly. I try to go slow with it but Im as subtle as a sledgehammer. But this month is kinda like that. All of the arrows line up and things just connect. And then mother nature makes her deductions and gets you straight.

This month will be a series of quantum leaps in progress. And progress may look ugly at first. Making a cake is messy. But the end result is a leaner, tighter you. Just try to be gentle with those around you as youre getting your head squished.


Chocolate for bunny

Today was a rough day, but necessary. Its times like this that teaches us. Don’t think for a second I believe the façade that you don’t care or have moved on. I don’t. The further I get into this, the more I know that I will never be with anyone else. I don’t have to. Ive done that. My time is over. Being with and marrying someone else would be a huge lie. Sadly, this would be the giant smack in the face that would wake you up. But I cant do that to me.

We have to go through this stuff to understand what and what doesn’t matter in the long run. Until were both done transforming, we cant do anything together. We already tried that. Twice. “Did we go through separation?” “Kindof, I guess.” Well, now we REALLY know we did. Really, really, really.

Its good. It makes me more patient. I can see thru most of the shit that used to snag me w you. I can forgive faster. Cant make a square a circle. Neither of us will change. Can only be open about it and accept it.

Sometimes I say things and can hear your voice where mine goes. And that’s how I know when were both saying something. I talk to you easiest when biking or walking alone. You are always there with me, right behind me, with your lil facie all shy and bunny like. Im never going to give up hope babe. I have eternal hope that we can nab this in this lifetime. I see all the things you put for me. I feel all the things you try to say. Who knew it would be like this, right? All distant and mean and 180 of where we came from. I know you arent the enemy and I forgive you for all the shit we go thru.

I know this hurts you greatly. If it didnt, I would have heard from you. It hurts me greatly too.

Keep sending love. Im getting it. Ill do the same.

Slowly, we’re getting there.

I love you.



Ive been trying to write a blog for a week. WP is being a jerk. So this will be a few things put together.

I go and drive through to Yellowstone yesterday and on my way there I have to drive through Targhee National Forest. Not 4 minutes later a series of invisible geometric patterns line up around me and arrange exactments in my brain and boom..I am crying. Why? Usually Im like a solid hunk of petrified cheese. You cant get me to move, emotionally, it takes a lot. Im getting it now, the understanding of what it feels like to remember your past life. Each time I get this warm sensation in my chin that goes down my throat and I literally lose my shit. Just like on the horse getting stabbed in the 1200s, just like the 500 year old music, just like when he told me he loves me: I remembered that I WAS HOME. I looked around and it was just pine trees on both sides of the road. I began identifying great grandchildren of trees I remembered from when I was there. I cried more. I was hugging trees and running through them and flying through them. This was home. At one point. I get to other points and nothing moves me again.

Going through Yellowstone was fucking awesome! This was a long time dream. And to watch the ground burn right next to you. To bubble and spout water and sulfur is just so amazing. Everything about this place was gorgeous.

But this story gets better cos I go home a different way and its 5 hours vs 2. I had no clue because I couldn’t get a signal. So I follow the way the lady at the convenience store tells me. The convenience store that sold me ½ a cup of coffee cos it was 2 bucks and I only had one dollar left. In a cowpath for hundreds of miles behind campers, I take a picture of the Grand Tetons and it lines up again. Theres the 3 blue mountains that my twin and I lived across from and right across the way was the field. Exact same color and everything! I was like..aha! So this is what I saw when I did the past life regression. We lived somewhere between Moose and Jackson Hole. This was amazing to drive thru it because the colors were exactly the same and everything!

I have to say, it’s somewhat jarring remembering these things. But if I saw it in a past life regression then when I see it in real life, its peaceful. Its already been confronted. If I see it in real life and it just hits me, it is not so peaceful. It’s like turbulence, the memory comes in and shakes you up, to the point of crying. Crying never seems to come at a good time, but it does what it must. Cleanses and purifies.

TF Separation stages

I have so much to write that it’s almost impossible to contain the whole thing. This is usually when the website won’t open/my computer acts up/a random comet hits my house and my power goes out and I need to write a blog across the street at the old neighbors house. Or my cat decides it’s time to scratch in the litter box for 20 minutes, ending up taking a mean #2. “Mom, I know you had words dripping out of your brain, but here, I made you a present first.” There is even something in this situation, the one where you need something and no matter what, it just will not come to you. But we’ll discuss this later.

I’ve been talking to twins online since the day we “broke up” last year to find what I needed to so that I could get through this. And I’ve found many twins that helped me through and are still helping me form a picture with their experiences. I always wondered how so many twins could be so blase to it and not care. They were fine and I was not. I wanted to be OK again. It took me about 8 months to be OK again.

This is so super important to me for a few reasons, but mostly, it totally enthralls me that so many of us can have the same experiences and have to go through the same type of growth. I’ve come to find a lack of twin counselors and so I may head down that road. (There are no twin flame schools yet, but hey..maybe one day.) I feel like I should help others in this because I remember quite well where I was when I began separation and it almost seems like there is a need for orientation specialists or people who can get you through the separation stages quicker.

There are stages within separation and each one tells you not only what stage you are in, but how far you have come or need to go. Separation has onion layers, very much like anything else that is interesting. I have been talking to twins on many sites and I’ve found out some new stuff along with understanding the gradation to the stages.

Stages we know a TF relationship are as follows:
1. Meeting/reunion/love
2/3. Testing and crisis
4. Separation
5. Surrender to God/Universe/Source
6. Illumination/Dropping ego
7. Harmonization/Reunion

But I believe there are many small stages within separation that aren’t discussed. These are rudimentary as I’m still sketching them based on information coming in from other twins as they experience it and also myself as I go through it.

1. Pain/Hurt/Anger/Denial of being a twin flame. First stage of separation is the ugliest. The worst. Shit hits the fan. Your twin is being impossible and mean and not treating you right. Little do you know this is because neither of you are treating yourself or your twin right. You don’t know that yet though. But this isn’t your fault. This was meant to happen, everything that happened between you was meant to happen. You are a human and we make mistakes which will be forgiven. You just want to cry and die. Some begin to question whether they are really twins because they didnt have enough time together to come up with a definite answer. Your regular friends don’t know how to help you.

2. Discussion/obsession/information absorption/questioning– I think this is hard because these stages can be somewhat blurred and often overlap. (Yes, sometimes, you waver between progression and walking backwards into what feels safe.) You are constantly thinking about your twin but you are gathering information to survive. You absorb what feels right, what feels good. Other twins are trying to help you because they either went through it or they are going through it with you. “What the fuck? Why are they so crazy?” is usually what ends up getting exchanged. Meanwhile you are absorbing at an alarming rate. Information is coming in. You are thinking questions over and over. What if we did this? Why did I care about this? Could I live with this in the future? Why don’t they love me enough to…You’re probably stalking them. It’s OK, theyre probably stalking you back.

3. Time passes enough to “move on”/”working on yourself” If you are a twin, you understand that there is no such thing as ‘moving on,’ it is just allowing the other to do their thing while you do yours. They arent coming back anytime soon and the longer they are away, the more you think, ‘I dont even want them back.’ And you mean it. Because you cant see how two very broken pieces become a whole again. You’re not supposed to yet. You’re still pissed. Plus they are still pushing your buttons from a distance. You’re supposed to “work on yourself.” At this point, your regular, non-twin friends are clueless as of how to help and probably think you’re insane. You are moving into stage 5- “surrender” There was a turning point for me to highlight and that was “My twin is not fine by himself. I am his queen and will always be. I can never be moved from that position. He will always miss me.”

When you realize how much you are a part of this, as much as they are, things change drastically. ‘Not good enough’ no longer works.

4.”Nothing ever changes” You’re calm and existing and things feel like they move slowly but you are learning multitudes of lessons each day and most of it comes from your mind. You have entered surrender. You can’t do anything, you are powerless to control others and you REALLY understand this concept. This is what makes you turn inward and look at all of the fun things you that have repelled your twin and how you wish to change them if you hope for saving yourself and also a reunion with your twin. Do you want to live or live well? You may attempt dating people, but nothing sticks. You still question everything.

5. Spiritual journey- you begin to realize you are not what you have been taught. You are so much more than that. You are infinite and the beauty surrounds you. You are never alone and have so many awesome friends who support and love you. Soulmates begin to emerge. Psychic ability increases. The line between human and energy form blurs and you are often looking for new, exhilarating experiences. You begin undoing the hurts to heal them. You see through others pain, including yours and your twins. This is when I began talking to the afterlife quite easily. It was just there.

6. Non-resistance and constant flow. I’m not sure how I left surrender and fell into illumination but I did. Ego is not so important and you often check yourself to not use it. It’s so ingrained in you that it’s like a snap-back behavior that you have to quell. That’s stage 6 in regular twin flame stages too. Maybe it was that I could group everything into love or fear and if it wasnt love, it was probably fear. I began taking the advice of twin friends that I needed to focus solely on myself so strongly that nothing else could exist. I made a pact that I would not allow any negativity or tension in my life. If there was resistance, it couldn’t stay. It wasnt meant to. Many fine people have had to leave my life because of this. But it’s OK. I also began trusting the plan, the stages, the process, the Universe and as I focused more on myself and less on my twin’s actions. I could feel his love. It’s not the actions you feel, it’s the energy you feel. Energy speaks louder than actions.

You will know when your twin hits stage 6. The runner’s ego will be dissolved, finally, and they will reach out and “be able to talk again.”

When I got to the last stage of this I no longer felt fear or sadness. I feel happy and excited about life. You realize that it’s a choice. You make the choice to be happy instead of choosing lower-vibration/fear-based thoughts. I see so many opportunities, so much energy, so many more beautiful things than I was trained to. I am no longer who I used to be. That’s the point.

I have had a very bumpy ride trying to explain to twins in early stages what to expect and what they are going through because they don’t feel it and just arent there yet. It’s difficult to talk to and try to coach a twin in early 4 from a stage 6. They’re just not ready for that type of “love mentality.” I have twin friends getting into separation stating their twin “began blocking them on social media and is lying to them.” I was like..NO WAY!! (Yea, mine did the same.) I have twins that have married twins that are treating them like doormats. Well, why are you trying to get with a married person? Have self respect! They are married/being unavailable to you. Walk away. If there is any type of disrespect, walk away now, because it only gets uglier. On both sides.

The mirror is always there. It’s just part of the stages. People take it personally when their twin does this stuff. Over time you begin to see that none of this is really them. It’s their ego protecting them from ego filled early stage you. Over time, both twins get smarter, break past conditioning and refill full of love. Otherwise this would never work.

But it does. The stages are like a constitution for twins. My twin and I in my kitchen, crying and hugging when we read the stages,” I WOULD NEVER LEAVE YOU!!” Yes, we would. We had to. Over and over, it must happen so each twin gets stronger or this truly would not work.

If you are in separation, think of it this way.. just a day closer to you and your twin coming back together. That’s all. Like no time has passed.

What is time anyway?

What is this?

I’ve been following patterns that make no sense. Women teachers who sleep with their young male students is one. Police shooting black people for no reason is the other. The use of drones by the U.S. Military is another. The terror and fear promoted by the media outlets is another. Theres many other patterns that are part of this group that Im not including. All of these patterns have been increasing. What does that mean?

I would take each separate incident and look at it and it made no sense. But this morning it hit me. I was just waking up and they all connected. I stood back and looked at the broader picture. Fear and doubt are plaguing mankind. And all of these incidents are connected in that.

Now, conversely, I have been not really focusing on those things, but what is really happening now. Truth has been bubbling to the surface for the past 8 years. The banking scandal and the mortgage bubble burst. Julian Assange and Edward Snowden both play a crucial role to bringing truth out and I commend them for being so brave. Most recently, Ashley Madison website got exposed by hackers for all of the people cheating on their spouses. I agree with the hackers. Expose them. This is going to keep happening. Lies uncovered and truth exposed.

Then I add in the twin flame phenomenon. Im not only psychic with my twin but all twins I encounter. You cant lie to yourself, to your twin nor to other twins. We are hurtling towards a humanity that cannot lie, the energy wont allow it. This totally intrigues me.

Lets look at Donald Trump. He is fear personified. He’s always blaming someone else for making him look bad. He’s angry, he has bad opinions of Mexicans and promotes it by kicking them off his Miami property. He thinks Univision is evil and then attacks them on Twitter. He is afraid. He is so afraid and fearful that he is trying to run for President. His fear and big mouth would get us into 6 wars. And sadly, many Americans are attracted to him because they are fearful too. This could be a very ugly Presidential race. I hope truth and love shine through and keep us away from this sad person.

Fear and doubt are currently fighting love and truth. This is why things are so tense currently. The old regime of fear is being replaced by the ultimate regime of love. And so then we have this push and pull. I figured with Uranus square Pluto and the Cardinal Crosses of 2010-2012, this would have been taken care of completely. But no, we’re not done yet.

All lives matter. All marriage vows should be held in absolute regard and priority. All of these teachers should feel loved and all shady information should be unearthed and exposed. To get a society to operate in accordance of universal laws, it must be cleansed. This is what we’re experiencing. A divine cleansing.

This is a very special event that were experiencing. Im excited to be alive during this point in history.

Past Life Regression

I went and had a past life regression this past Sunday. Finally! I wanted to see where my twin showed up and also other things I should see. It was very similar to when I hypnotized myself a few months back and came up with a few visions: 1. That I was a black woman in the 40s from South Carolina who had a husband and was sitting at my daughters wedding. 2. That I was burned alive as a dog in a dog house by prankster kids. 3. I saw a field with my sister. 4. I was an Asian woman who knew how to use swords and wasnt happy with my life.

This time was more in depth. She walked me through the images where, on my own, I tried to speed things up to see more. She kept me in one place for awhile and I ended up seeing three lives. 1. I was with my twin in a field with 3 similar blue mountains and he kept smiling and we were having a picnic. He looked like Bo from Dukes of Hazard (no wonder I thought he was hot when I was a kid) in something they would wear on Little House on the Prairie and I was in a blue dress with a white apron and I want to say a bonnet?I had blondish reddish hair and freckles. She asked why he was smiling and I said because he wanted to marry me. So we did. We had a house in that field, perhaps built by our family. It was 1700s about and it was either Austria or Oregon. We had two kids and a jovial bearded man would come to hang out with us. I’m thinking it’s my landscaper or Scott, my twin friend from Vegas. All of a sudden I was flattened. All of the air in the field stopped and I could feel myself in a very tight space. I was dead. I had a brain aneurysm. She asked how the family dealt with it and I said there was a major imbalance after I left but they figured it out.

I end up seeing orange swirls. Then a white marshmallow that turned into a pillow. It was me. It was my soul in between lives. There were so many cool colors swirling. It was fantastic! I felt light and happy. It was so great.

My second life I recalled the Asian dream.. I was a Japanese woman with a sister and a father. He taught my sister and I how to use swords and my father is actually my neighbor now. Kinda funny. His name is Dragon in this life. I was showing her, the therapist, how he would tell us to protect our core and was swiping my hands in the air with invisible sword. It was coming back. Women werent supposed to be taught how to use swords I guess and he was a sword teacher for men. I have three Japanese swords in my house now. I have always liked them. I thought it was a better way to deal with someone than a gun. So then I end up marrying this pig of a man and he is disgusting and since it was arranged, I end up hanging with my gfs in town a lot while my husband cheats on me. Many of the towns people do some drug that I dont get involved in and live til I’m very old, peacefully, ALONE. There is one man at my husbands funeral that was waiting for him to die. Perhaps that was my twin. around 90 years old, I die in my sleep.

The third past life I could remember started smelling magnolia in a gorgeous garden. I was in France and my family was not only rich, but powerful and famous. We had a giant stone estate. My mother looked like Grace Kelly and my dad looked like a Ken doll. We had butlers and maids and I had three brothers and one sister. I didn’t want to leave. Despite everyone being emotionally detached, I really loved this life. I was thin, rich and had great skin. It was so easy. In fact, all of the lives were very easy. They werent stressful, they were happy, minus the Japanese one. I end up getting married to Frank, who I know in this life as an old best friend who was always asking me to marry him. I see my family and then they begin to squish into a brain shaped rock. Something falls on my head at 30 and I die. I end up writhing in the chair,”Why did you have to take me? Everything was NICE!!!!.”

She replies,”Well, this is the life you get to do a lot of work in.” I’m like,”Youre not kidding, sister.”

I will keep going back through my own hypnosis sessions. I wanted to see what she could do versus me. And it as mainly that she asked questions and made me look around instead of me just flipping to another life. Dying is great. It’s painless. It does free you. But I’m not suggesting suicide at all.

We’re here to do WORK and to get through all of these odd behaviors our wonderful parents instilled in us. I’ve been reading Osho’s How to Love with Awareness and Relate without Fear. First part of the book is drop what your parents taught you because it only hurts you. And it’s true.

What I found interesting about it was not only was I a plasma- like human for the next day but also that I was seeing other lives that I saw before, but in better detail. I want to make a timeline for where my soul was and when so that I can figure out how far I go back. That is way cooler than a family tree. WAY.

I always thought it was interesting that I was into all of these French things and it was because my ex-fiancee (before my twin showed up) was French. But it wasn’t. It was because my twin and I were French in a past life. And maybe the ex-fiancee is also part of our soul circle somehow. The ex-fiancee came into town recently and we had a chance to discuss Carcassonne because I needed to know more about it. This was where I remember saying goodbye to my twin before he got killed in a war. So he says to me,”’re silly. I already told you about Carcassonne! Don’t you remember?” And I’m He goes on to tell me the history of the town (he’s like a walking encyclopedia) and how the woman Lady Carcas threw a stuffed turkey with the remainder of what food they had left behind the wall as an act of rebellion to the King. I told him maybe we all knew each other in a past life since my twin LOVES my ex-fiancee so much. LOL. He thinks he’s a threat. This couldnt be further from the truth. There are no threats to who he is to me. That would be scientifically, metaphysically and energetically impossible to be any closer to a person than to my twin. And as time goes on, no one even gets close to how I feel for my twin. No one is even in the same Universe.

Currently, I’m in a position where I have to focus heavily on tasks at hand. I am taking another trip to the West in a few weeks and I’m doing Vegas/SLC and Yellowstone. I have a twin friend in Vegas and I’m hoping he will be part of my twin flames documentary. I know it’s hard to talk about and so this will be interesting as I fly all over the Earth getting interviews. I even have a stop over in my twin’s city for 3 hours. There was no flight back from Idaho Falls that didnt have this stop over.

I’m also getting back in shape. I started doing Kayla Itsines guides. 3.3 million women cant be wrong. Slowly, my booty is getting even more bubbly than before. I love it!

I watched Gone Girl and it made me laugh as I felt it was very similar to a twin flames relationship. If you do this, then I do that. Mirrors all over the place.

Getting super psyched to see what the end of September brings us! I think whatever it will be, it will be HUGE!

Wishing you all a lovely week



False twin

This comes up a lot and let me say this. There are people who write about twins who have lived it and then there are those who write about twins PRETENDING to know what they’re talking about because they want to be a twin.

Hey, what can I say, we’re the hot new trend. Find the other half of your soul and hit up Nobu! All the now kids are doing it! “ i found my twin flaaaammmmeeee! Like I feel so loved, like OMGGGGGGG!”

No. Just no.

I have a perfect situation that happily sandwiches into this. Michael. My exact copy. The one that ran from me because the discussions were too good and our energy is superior. Plus he has a live in gf that he hasn’t quite moved out from. Yea.

No. There is only one twin. One. Not three or two or four or five or eight or six. Or seven. Jesus fucking christ! YOU GET ONE TWIN FLAME PEOPLE!  ONE IS ENOUGH!

There seems to be many people that WANT a twin flame. Heh. Fun. Anyway. One cannot write about such a soul connection unless one has one. Its like me writing about meth addiction. I just cant do it. I could take a mighty stab at it, but I would fail on all aesthetic levels.

Let’s stop this right here. There is no such thing as a false twin flame. Just a person who wishes they had a twin that only has a soul mate.

*bows and walks offstage *

*the crowd goes wild with applause*

Runner/chaser cuteness

Each side has it’s opposite function. For a reason. Neither side can act the same or you would be back together fighting. Since separation is inevitable, each yin takes its part and yangs absorb theirs. One side pretends the other is dead, that the other doesnt matter, wont answer communication. The other side is completely serious about rekindling, tries to reach out and remind, and pours their heart out. Neither side is wrong. This has to happen to force separation, even if you both said you wanted to be together forever, even if you were engaged, even if you had a house, dog, kids. It doesnt matter!

As painful as this is, the energy between the twins doesnt just go away., Im gonna shut the door to the car, to the plane, move to India, date someone else and PRETEND theyre the one.  It doesnt matter. That energy is going to just keep pushing and pulling.

The rule for most relationships is dont listen to words, listen to actions. In twin flame relationships it’s different. Dont listen to words or actions, LISTEN TO THE SILENT ENERGY BETWEEN YOU. Both sides act out of ego, so words and actions are useless. The energy will illustrate truth of your souls and will be your indicator to where you are both at.

Now, runners or what is classified as the runner gets an egotistical charge from the chaser despite not being able to deal with them for one reason or another. However, chasers or what’s classified as a chaser, will eventually get sick of the game. I cant tell you how many of my twin friends are done with playing this game. Including myself.

Your twin wants to be reminded that theyre top dog. But what happens when you finally are tired and walk off? The other side flips the f out! Perfect of my twin friends other decides to call to “make sure it was the right (insert name) in their phone” Not to rekindle. Not to say I miss you, I love you.

This game happens in many different ways whether it be Internet, phone, pics online, even energetically with signs. Oh I saw this sign!! Oh, I heard this song!  Well, your twin thinks you’re forgetting them so they have to remind you somehow!!

I would suggest, and trust me, I have played this game times a million, that you don’t play it. Theyre off doing what they must, you are off doing what you must. If you answer and give your attention to these ego pulls, they will get what they want and you will get nothing. Im not saying dont send love. But this is classic non commitment handbook shizz. Do not answer the ego pulls. It will just disrupt your own focus on what you need to do.

Look at it this way. Your twin is in a different car than you during separation. If you lean over and drive their car, who is driving yours?

We’ve talked a lot about focus this week. So. Dont stalk your twin, dont give into ego pulls, keep your eyes on your road. If your twin wants to talk to you, they will make sure you know.

The word separation is as its definition. Stay separate until you both have gotten through the worst of it. Dont help them thru, trust me, theyre are capable of getting themselves thru. Theyre just scared and possibly lazy. Basically, its like starting from square one. Oh you like me? You get to go through the whole courting, waiting for sex, etc. They have to work for it or they wont respect and appreciate it.

Every part of separation happens for a reason. Its to balance energy. Runner and chasers switch positions, I’ve seen it first hand with a twin friend. Follow your gut. But you stay focused on you. You dont have time to play games. You’re busy building your own empire.

Please realize that all of the show, the new gf/bf, new wifey/husband, new kids..its all a show. A big pretend show. Its an illusion. They will always love you more than anyone. Its just easier to pretend, right? Its your job to know this to your bones. And do not get swayed by shows of whatever.

Illlusssiooonsssssss! They can be SO REAL. But illusions break and fade and only love remains.

Good luck

“Give her a hug for me”

Each week I have new, zany adventures with twins from all over the world. Sometimes, it’s with twins that didnt know they were twins. They didnt know there was a name for it. I came upon two this week, one of which I have known for years. Funny too, he was the answer to my first spell asking for the one. He is not my one. That’s why I redid the spell. He is someone else’s one.

So, I’m blown up from interviewing with the curator last Friday on Park Ave and I float out not knowing what to do next. It’s Friday. I’m in NYC. I don’t really party anymore, I own a house. It’s like having a child. But I want to explore the spot and I come upon CPK- California Pizza Kitchen. I walk in, a sweet gay man asks me,” Do you need a seat?” And I’m like,” I don’t know? You tell me!!” And we both laugh hysterically, me still trying to figure out what kind of place this is.

I thought it was a fast food take out. It is not.

I sit down at the bar and a nice lady Kathleen begins bubbling up. I’m in space so I start talking and of course we come upon the twin flame thing, I discuss all of the weird powers I’ve come to understand. And she tells me, he ex who passed ten years ago, she still talks to. I say: you talk to the air? She says: yea! I said: He can hear you.

Alls good, I’m giving out a business card and ask for my check. Kathleen wants none of my lobster flatbread, which is a cutthroat deal at $10.49. It was real lobster. I look up to the bar and on the left side of my face I hear it: “GIVE HER A HUG FOR ME” One sentence. I look down and think..she is not going to believe me. I say whatever and tell her.. I think your ex husband just said give her a hug for me. And she’s like OH MY GOD!!  And I get up and hug her and almost begin crying. I said after: I think he wanted me to come in here to talk to you. She said..Oh, he most definitely did!!

I walk out and begin crying. I am now becoming a medium for anyone who has passed and am now passing on cute little love messages from the afterlife. I feel like a puppet for ghosts and at the same time, just weird. That I can now hear these things is very odd. I’m still getting used to it.

I stand at the corner by the subway and all of life whooshes past. I feel energy pointing at me and this man looks at me. I give him a lighter. He lights his cigarette and gives it back. Not one word spoken.

The other twin (that is still in denial) ends up texting me. We have a very strange relationship of tension and relaxation that I dont usually have with people. Either way, I walk him through some of the basics and tell him ultimately, she didnt run from you, she ran because she didnt feel worthy. His first text that day was I dont really think it’s healthy to think of this as it coming to be again. I said I don’t make the structure to this relationship, I am just a messenger and a shoulder to cry on.

He doesnt want to talk about it.

I know, I know. It’s a lot to digest.

Each day, I am thankful for all of my new energetic gifts. This is helping clean stuff up and get stuff done much faster. Before I might question whether or not to take an opportunity based on experience, but I’m on a new level now, baby! I’m pristine! And there is nothing that I can’t do, so, batter up!

If I take anything from this week, it’s the essence of focusing on what you are doing and getting ahead in your own life. I plan on making my own little spot in the art world. Gallery by gallery, show by show. Exposure is not hard for me, it’s sitting inside and painting when it’s nice out. I guess it’s good it’s been humid.

My farm is doing well. Next experiments are growing tea and coffee.

I wish you all a lovely night 🙂

Biggest blog ever ever EVER

Whoaaaaaa! The energy is soooooo smooshy right now!! I have tears in my eyes.

OK. I am being hit with many concepts at once and this is why:


And I’m pulling from that.

In the beginning, I was psychic with people close to me, then my twin, then my twin friends and now, I almost feel like I’m psychic with everyone because I can read their energy. I can also talk to people telepathically and also talk to those who have departed.

I can feel all of you, individually, some easier than others, just by thinking about you.

There is an amazing amount of energy swirling right now to push us higher and get us out of the same routines and I feel it and it’s working.

That, or I’m going fucking bananas. LOL


We, as a collective consciousness are agreeing that there are no runner/chaser roles. If we see our energy as a collective energy, which is what twins really are, then we both are runners and chasers and then this negates either label. Instead, we believe twins repel each other like magnets during separation, on purpose. We ARE toxic to each other until we can balance our energy. (I will have to rewrite the stages with this new understanding.)

Why? Because if you mire yourself during separation with your twin, it will just hurt you and your growth as a single twin. Each path has to stay clear of the other until the time is correct to reunite.

I know my twin didnt want to leave me and I didnt want him to leave. We both knew we HAD to though. He was/is braver in keeping his mouth shut during this. I had my say at first, but we still talk energetically ALL THE TIME.

For example, I was sitting at work a few weeks ago and it hit me.. OMG! My twin is coming back to the East Coast! I told my secretary and she was like..are you sure? And I was like..yea..why would I feel it if it wasnt for sure? I didnt know why he would come back but I could feel it and I could feel him leave and how much the whole trip hurt him. I know it hurt cos I know how much it hurt for me to go to NYC last year.

I told friends at one point who were defiantly pushing me to come visit them that they would not see me up and around NYC for a serious period of time until I could handle it. So I didnt go to my friends’ places nor to another friend’s birthday. I didn’t care. I had to protect myself until I  was strong enough to handle it. The time that I did before that I ended up crying in bathrooms, bars, during the gay parade, the whole way home and for the next week straight. So yea, I know how much coming back to NYC hurts us both if we are apart.

Twins have to stay apart or they will hurt each other. Even deeper: If you take the focus off your twin and put it back on you, better things come and you heal quicker.

So no blame can be laid on one or the other as they are the same entity. I spoke of it just an hour ago on Tumblr about how we are a constant mirror. So much so that it goes so fast that we can pick up energetically on the others feelings. I cant read his mind word for word and thank God. I don’t want to. But we are a collective of energy that constantly mirrors and that’s how I know these things. Sure, it’s freaky. Take it a step further, this is why twins can’t lie to each other. It’s like a blip in the Matrix when they do. Your head cocks and you just go huh? You know. We know. We’re each other.

The collective consciousness is also so tightly woven, now, so it seems that regular people are having a hard time lying to others. We’re all becoming more psychic, arent we Mr. Lee 😉 Because if we are all part of this, then we are all the same energetic entity.

I was surprised to see that in past lives I was a dog and a tree. I didnt think something like that could happen but what is really the difference of any matter? Not much. We all vibrate, we exist.

I have been having an amazing two weeks and it’s because I’m relenting to what the Universe wants for me, which is to be totally focused on myself and to be productive and happy. I’m surrounding myself with those that are showing little resistance to my energy while not paying so much attention to those who are resistant. So many people get upset (including you know who) about losing friends. But don’t get upset. It is not meant to be if there is this resistance. Even I lost a friend of over 20 years this year to this resistance. I love her but she is not as involved with my life as she was. As true for the plant world, is true for the human world: prune off the dead and new growth occurs.

I did an hour of thanking things in my life last night. GRATITUDE HOUR. The more I am thankful, the higher I vibrate and the easier it is to read this collective consciousness. Currently, I am thankful for all of the people who do support me daily, including my twin (I told you were not fighting, kitten) and the fact that I can write this on a computer vs a phone. Haha.

I started an affirmation page. go check it out. We as humans need uplifting and these are just reminders. is where you can find that.

The messenger that had so much to tell me two weeks ago I saw again at my laundromat. I saw her child first and I smiled at him and he smiled back. She keeps insisting on me giving her my hone number and it feels wrong and so I will not. Something is very distressing about her energy, like she needs help.

ALSO! Many twins that I speak to have not discussed with their twin that they are twin flames. My twin KNOWS that we are twins. And we spoke of separating a few times saying we would never leave each other. But WE DONT HAVE A CHOICE AS TWINS BECAUSE ALL OF US HAVE TO. We HAVE to. There is no choice if the energy is not balancing. We KNOW this. This does not change whether we know the stages or not. It is mandatory. So understanding this, please don’t place blame on your twin. Neither side is in balance.

As I go through this amazing awakening, I am getting lighter. The things that used to bother me no longer do. I am looking at new ways to deal with annoyances and bumps and obstacles. As we awaken, we are freer to be ourselves and less our ego. My ego still snaps back sometimes as this conditioning still hasnt been fully retrained, but I am reworking the way that I react to things and it is slow and steady progress. As I progress, as WE progress, we walk closer to love and away from fear. 🙂

2015: the year of the microbe, of non-resistance, of better balance, of love and of collective consciousness.

My father’s icky diary

My father passed ten years ago in September and I figured it was time to clean the paperwork up and let it go. Ten years ago we found his diary in this pile and read very few short exerpts before we realized we didnt want to read anymore. Why? He tore us to pieces in many ways, gave us horrible names, was totally ungrateful for everything we had done for him.

Today I read some choice sentences involving my mother and myself and my sister. This then extended to the rest of everyone who was in his life.I texted my sister afterwards about it and said I was going to burn these because there was no reason this negativity had to reach anyone else. She thought it would be good therapy for my mother to read them since she was married to him for 17 years and still had a lot of anger towards him. Im thinking I probably should not have, but its too late. But Im not writing this blog to decry, poor me and my family.” I’m writing it because I feel very sad for him.

His perception of everyone and everything was so skewed from reality. He was selfish and narcissistic, ultimately making him unable to except responsibility for his own emotions and actions and was very ungrateful. He was not grateful for anything. And his life reflected it. He was a brilliant engineer but was afraid, based in his own fears of self-worth and instead took shit jobs doing sales instead of excelling. He festered and emotionally brought about a horrible bout of rheumatoid arthritis. He lost his sales job and my mother divorced him, eventually building her own business and putting my sister and I through college HERSELF. But he was always the victim. She also put him through college too. He could never accept that she was fearless in this sense and had a can do attitude.

Twins come to me for advice through separation. Some are very angry and hurt and depressed. I tell them you have to do your own stuff and look at whats around you and be grateful. That is the only way we’re gonna get through it. To be happy with what we have in the present moment.

If your twin is here or if they are not, it doesnt change whether you are happy with yourself. My father was not happy with himself and instead of take charge and fix that, he blamed everybody and everything else.

I am guilty for being ungrateful. I have overlooked many things and forgot how to be. But I have learned over the past two years that this is where positivity comes from. Being grateful for what you have. This then reverberates through me energetically and brings better opportunities. I can see the beauty even in bad situations.

There is a way to thrive amidst the muck and it comes from your perception. Your mind, your perception, the way you see things has everything to do with how reality forms and builds around you.

Be grateful for what you have.


Instagram keeps giving. An artist on the feed page posted a picture of the exact location where I said goodbye to my twin 800 years ago. IMG_20150702_113025This hill, only 20 ft. from the tractor is where he rode off on a horse while wearing armor and left behind were myself and our daughter. How do I know this? I saw a vision the first time he said he loved me. I saw the exact place. It was such a strong emotion when he said it that it brought me back to this spot and I remembered. Did I ever think I could find the castle? I never attempted. It found me, instead.

I’ve seen many castles while driving through Europe. I’ve always had a thing for stone rooms. I never put it together until Friday when this girl posted this. I was skeptical and looked at hundreds of other castles. Nope..none are situated just like this one. Its the same spot! I can’t believe it, it’s crazy!

Being a twin flame brings you very many weird gifts that would have probably not come to you if you hadnt met them. Mine comes in visions and patterns. I have many visions that still arent linked to anything.  They are from other lives other than this medieval one that I get visions from.

I looked up the town, this castle, which is Château Comtal and the history and there was a fight there in 1209 in August. It wasnt even under French rule yet! Visigoths. Thats how long ago this took place.

Ive been meaning to get my past life regressions done. I have to begin this soon. I wonder what it would be like if two people, maybe twins, got regressions done and saw the same lives. They would have to. Each one shared it. This only makes me more curious.

This understanding has changed so much in this life for me. I just went down to Atlantic City last night. The last time I was down was a few months before he and I collided/began our awakenings. I think back to that time, staring out to sea from 20 floors up and wondering what the use of any of this is. It was calm. Nothing made sense.

Now things make sense.

I had a middle man spirit/ messenger talk to me last weekend. She latched right onto me in a clothing store line. She touched what I was buying and said, “You have very strong energy and I have something I have to tell you. Someone is trying to get in touch with you. With the letter J” We walked outside and had a 20 minute chat. She said a lot in that 20 minutes, but nothing I didnt already know.

It keeps happening. It keeps coming to me. The energy through any means possible. I got you. I hear you. It is understood.

The more you believe that it is all in perfect fit, that everything works as it should, the more you trust in the Universe,  the less you fight it, the more it unfurls. I talk to non-twins and they think Ive lost it. Thats fine. Im not concerned about that.

My concern is putting all the puzzle pieces together for both myself and all of you as best as possible. We’re constructing an invisible map of all of existence, do you want in? It’s going to take awhile. Look at how long it took me to find the castle. .806 years. I don’t care. I have plenty of time.

Less fighting intuition, trust what is in your life, what surrounds you. Its all there for a reason. Just embrace it.

We’re all protected and safe. And together.

A poem

Lay down, take a deep breath. With windows open, you have crickets in your ears and cars in your pocket. The deep dark thickness of moisture saunters over your skin and rolls through the fibers of your clothes. Heaviness once again.

Melt into the fabric held to your back. Meld into the blankets and mattress and rug beneath. Become a mass, a barely pulsing sculpture. Your body transforming into clay. Let it bake in the sun and then shatter and break. Allow ants to carry you off through the boards. Become mounds of sand between plaster and lathe. Outside you were eaten by worms to be redigested and spit out the end.

In smallness, become absorbent. Allow water in. The landscape has changed but the premise remains the same. You are carried to a stream unto which you are separated again.

Parts of you are stuck to moss and rocks hide you under their shade. Other pieces fall down so simply and become grain called silt onto which water will strain.

Break and break and break and break. Millions of pieces of you fall into a lake. A fish sucks you in and out to breathe. A frog paddles you away to grab its meal.

When the wheat meets the water you will pause on the threads. Who knew you could travel so many places in bed?


Rainbows of color

The lyrics to this song are very twin flamey. This song also reminds me of my dog Hope who passed away and reincarnated and pushed the soul out of our little dog Kiki to be with our family for an extra 5 years. Kiki is Hope. In fact many of my animals decided to reincarnate into something close to our family. Our dog Destiny became our cat Mamma. It took me ten years to realize it. I saw it in a picture..the eyes..the stance. So similar. So funny. My cat Two became Daddy and Daddy now lives with me. Also took ten years to understand. It was in the eyes, again!

Now Im having soul recognition with people too. Seems that my landscaper and my fertilizer guy are in a tight soul circle with me and I cant figure out how. The landscaper is super nice, gives me free truckloads of grass and I talk to his nephew who passed into another life and also am his witch doctor. Mike the fertilizer guy and I have had a connection for a few years and then I go flipping through 20 year old pics and there he is, in my ex boyfriends band. Shut up! No way! The landscaper and Mike have known each other for 30 years. Mike and I were born 25 hours apart, 30 minutes away so we have the same transits, Im just one house ahead. Meaning..everything happens to me first before him. There is something between the three of us and it just keeps going but I did explain this to them.

Im not sure what is the next thing except that I have been doing amazing amounts of clutter removal. If I dont need it, it goes and wow have I thrown a ton of stuff out. Understanding Im better off lighter, Im trying to purge as much as possible.

Today was a big day. Tuesday had the same energy…BIGGGG ENERGY! There’s shifting going on! But today’s bigness unites so many souls with hope and love. There is a rolling blanket of love unfolding, it feels. And I am just unbelievably happy because I got to experience this day! I feel the same love that so many others do, so much, that I dont feel like I am living just as myself anymore. I am beginning to lose my edges and become almost a vaporous broth of a human, absorbing others in, absorbing other energy. Even the button to publish this is rainbow!!! Omg!

At 10:07 a.m. I sat in the car, futzing with my phone before I got out and NPR made the special announcement. “Breaking news, this just came through the wire..” I totally fucking lost my shit and started texting friends.

We ARE all connected. I’m beginning to understand this now. I feel what millions are feeling. Pure joy 🙂 Pure love.

Things are shifting so much. It’s a giant circle that never ends. But realize, everything’s OK. Everything is perfect in the chaos. There’s an underlying weave that ripples and pulsates. I felt it today. It was nice


Ok.   Lets start with what we know and then add some useful new perspectives to the mix.

1. There needs to be an energy balance between twins.

2. Separation is essential and inevitable, doesnt matter how “enlightened” you are.

3. Separation is an illusion beginning at humans being separate from each other and tumbling down to twins separating but only physically

4. Anything you chase will run. Except hornets, theyll just chase you back. Those bastards.

5. Tumblr is a horrible platform to write minibooks on only to reblog and the thing disappears.

6. WordPress on mobile is not far from Tumblr.

7. There is no such thing as a false twin, more than one twin flame (per couple) or evil forces or demons.

Lets open that last one up.

It seems that online there is confusion about how the Universe works and so lets step back a second and really eliminate humans as we are the beginning and end of (fill in the blank).

Without us, there are animals, plants, spirits, perhaps gods, insects, minerals. Where does evil come in? Sure, there is fear for only survival sake. A rabbit doesnt want to get eaten by a snake. (Now we’re rhyming.) But, in reality, humans have come up with the term and essence of “evil”. In nature, all is natural. There can be love, there can be fear, there can be confusion, but there is no such thing as hate or evil. Hate is love turned inside out. Hate basically is hurt. Do you hate anything that you dont CARE about? No. Why? Because you dont care about it. Then there is indifference. So the same applies for evil. Replace evil with confusion and now we’re getting places.

People discuss demons and bad spirits all over the place. Guess where those ” demons” lie? They lie in your mind because you have made them up! Mass murderer kills people. Is he evil or just really fuckin confused?

Confused people dont allow love to flow. And that is why they are considered evil. They dont have love or compassion in their eyes because, in essence, they dont love themselves. They are cold and mean and do horrible things because they arent connected to the love, to the source of all life.

People are concerned about demons. This could also be considered delusions. Distortions in perception. No one is after you. No demons follow you around. Sure, is there “rough” energy? Yes! I have had many a rough day where it felt as if the energy was too sharp, things were off..etc. There’s a reason for that.

We were just discussing online how astrology has a lot to do with how universal time plays out. I added my theory about how astrology in general is basically a constantly moving Akashic Record (and then it got erased, thx Tumblr). It is the Akashic Record in motion and that we really don’t have very much free will when it comes to that. astrology is in its infantile form as there may be many more planets stars and nodes that we are not accounting for along with aspects and therefore don’t understand the full map of how we are universally being placed.

Step back again and think about stars and dust and oxygen and water. Do you think that any of these things have demons or bad vibes? No of course not. These are all naturally occurring objects in the scientific world that we’ve placed them in.

We have invented a world of Zombies and demons and bad spirits all because there needs to be a reason to have fear. These are inventions of the human mind to scare people very much like how people used to be very afraid of witches. Do a Google search and come up with the definition of a Wiccan, which means a person who worships mother nature and the earth. It doesn’t have a picture of the green witch from The Wizard of Oz sitting there crumbling her hands together saying that she’s going to kill your dog. Again inventions of the human mind.

Very similarly, fears on any level are illusions, much like the one that tells us we are separate from our twins. I dont believe we are. And because of that, it gets confusing because they so easily mirror out our insecurities.

We can feel fear and pain but any of it is a lesson that we have to heal something that is still considered a wound whether it be understanding or perception or a deeply ingrained false core belief. We are humans. We arent taunted by spirits. We only taunt ourselves.

This is why it is so important to take time during separation to accept and realize what is your responsibility in your twin flame relationship. What behaviors have you exhibited that could be cleaned up? What isnt tight and what is lacking? What demons within your mind must you exorcise? What imbalanced energy pushed your twin away?

There also seems to be this rambling concept of more than one twin flame/the false twin flame. What is a false twin flame? They only mirror you at night? You only feel their energy while they sleep? They seem like a twin flame but really they’re a coyote? What is this?! You know if you met your twin because they will be THE ONLY exact mirror to all of your stuff, be it love or fear. Also, please, if anyone has two twin flames, please email me right at this moment because I want to meet the three of you!  A twin is the other half. I will not pooh pooh the idea that there are many spirit “shards” or soul groups that you get along with,/soul mates. I don’t think that anyone could handle more than one twin flame. I can tell you, truthfully, after being through it: ONE IS ENOUGH!

There’s a reason for everything. After watching so many perfectly executed patterns, I know this is not just merely luck or chance. All is written. And for a reason.  To get you higher in the spiritual world. To help you ascend.

And you and your twin (not plural, not the false will both do it energetically. If one does something, the other does too. Dont worry about them, worry about you. Otherwise the process just slows.

Be what you want your twin to be. Keep focusing.

Dont worry about demons. They dont exist. Confused people do. Delusional people do.


Glittery Future Energetic Diamonds

Oh my! Do you all feel that energy in the past day?! Very strong energy!

I met a twin last week at a party who was still in the beginning of separation. He even was still in the blaming his twin for all of her problems. I kinda just looked at him and told him about working on core beliefs and he was very interested in it for himself. I said good, your energy will match hers, innately. And then I said I will get in touch soon. But I dont have his info. He has mine. Not to worry..all twins are psychic with each other.

I have been practicing a new tactic called “what do I want my future self to be like,” also referred to as future regression. I read about it in a Brian Weiss book that I started and never finished. It is weird because I don’t usually sit around thinking of this and perhaps I should have long ago. Probably would have squashed many of my own bad habits.

I think it brings a new perspective to things. If I want to be an artist, to be thin, to not be a hot mess, I have to do something about it NOW. Not in a week or a month. I have been doing a vegetable cleanse and lost two pounds since yesterday. I also went biking this morning. Why? I have a wedding to attend September 20th! I need to get in tight shape for this! Something very big is going to happen at the wedding.

I had something alarming happen last week and it has continued into this week. Two people made plans with me, a week apart 9/20 and 9/27. The last time this happened was in March of 2011. I was invited to six art openings/parties in one week. We then lost our biggest client and a giant earthquake/tsunami hit. There was an amazing amount of energy involved with this shifting that began to tremor months before. This is showing similar patterns because after the guy invited me to the second party, I see online that some goofy reverend was calling for cataclysmic change that week 22-28. And then I find the conspiracy theorists are feeling the same.. SAME WEEK. Yesterday I get a call from someone I havent heard from in 5 months asking me if something was going to happen in August/September, specifically 15-23. I said YES and he said CRAP. I did calm him, reassuring him it was necessary that the energy do what it must. So now we have hot points. 15-23, 22-28, 20, 27. Something will probably happen 22-24.

And I didnt even check the moon schedule. Ok.. first quarter is 21st, full moon is 28th. So 3 days before, but it may be a 4 day. I’m going with the 24th. Let’s see how this plays out.

UPDATE: I had my mom send me this after I discussed it with her. We also have eclipses on BOTH the 13th (partial solar) and the 28th (total lunar)


This should be an amazing time for movement all over the world.


I watched Holy Mountain last night and I think it’s so funny because I end up watching/ reading things, almost as clues or guides to what is next. The movie is basically (lol- basically) about getting over your fears to reach yourself/God/Source energy. The core. The Holy Mountain is where people release and confront their fears and realize, they are illusions.

As twins, we are each other’s Holy Mountain. We pull alllll of the gunk out of each other, even from afar, re-instilling the core and breaking it apart over and over until it can become solidly put back together with no fear and no doubt.

My twin and I have gone through so much fighting for a year and I couldnt figure out how to stop it. And then I did. I just said, I’m not gonna fight with you anymore. I love you. Go do what you must.

In separation it is so hard because we see things we dont like and get our buttons pushed but it is a good way (from a distance) to work your problems out. Mine continually pushes mine, unintentionally, but I am now used to it. It doesnt bother me anymore and the effect has worn off. I know why he’s doing it. He doesnt even realize he is doing it. It is not a choice, I don’t think. It is just how twins naturally repair each other’s problems. Through illumination. If it hurts, it’s not healed. Just keep pushing buttons and we will get through it. Why? Because no matter what, love is at the core of it all.

Each thing that feels crappy, each thing that sucks has a cleansing effect. This is how diamonds are made. Pressure so strong, that only the love remains. The enormous force that you feel daily in separation is essential for your rock to become a gem. Daily we shift like a crust of earth or a plate moving. Sometimes it really hurts, sometimes it’s not so bad.

Today, it’s not so bad. It’s good. Things are moving. I’m not stopping until I am a diamond.

I’m dancing with exotic destruction in my eyes.

Worlds are formed everyday through the destruction of other worlds. The dust,  the minutia, the particulate are necessary as base. Same is true for any plant. The dead must be pruned off to refocus intention and energy saved for building anew.

My exciting experiment is turning dirt that wont even grow weeds into fertile soil. Two years ago nothing would grow or permeate the 150′ x 100′ backyard of clay that I own. Think about how large that is. Its fucking huge.

Let’s discuss EM-1 again as I see it as a miracle and the basis for how I deal with “stuff.” Its a mixture of millions of microbes, molasses and lactobactili strain as well as many other “fun things.” You can make your own through a fermenting process of veggie scraps, alcohol, sugars and rice water. Just dont forget to air it out once a day, the container will explode. I made my own version today. Regular Em-1 is expensive. 25$ per 1/2 liter.

The way Em-1 through Em-5 is made is a breakdown process, similar to bokashi composting or making compost tea which is then sprayed on whatever needs aerobic microbial “attention.” Anything it lands on gets a boost of microbes and good bacteria that really help all plants,  trees and soil. Em-1 is not the only method I have used to break this clay up. My neighbor and landscaper drop their grass at my place and I move it to the yard and till it in. Without this organic help,  I would not have grass this year. Or seeds I planted two years ago finally sprouting. It’s been hours and hours, sometimes 18 a weekend, sometimes hand digging for 10 at a time to make this all possible. Constant analysis is necessary for a true assessment of the situation.

What is the point? I take dead things and let them do what they want and they make things live. Through their destruction, it causes many chain reactions which make up growth.

The same holds true for a twin flame separation.

We are in Em-1 fermentation process,  breaking apart the dead and eventually ready to make things grow again. That destruction process is so necessary to produce very gorgeous and lively results. My whole yard is DARK green from all of this stuff breaking down!! Not wanky light green.

Wishing you all the best in your breakdown. Just keep breaking until you get down to core and source. It IS for a reason.