Today was a rough day, but necessary. Its times like this that teaches us. Don’t think for a second I believe the façade that you don’t care or have moved on. I don’t. The further I get into this, the more I know that I will never be with anyone else. I don’t have to. Ive done that. My time is over. Being with and marrying someone else would be a huge lie. Sadly, this would be the giant smack in the face that would wake you up. But I cant do that to me.
We have to go through this stuff to understand what and what doesn’t matter in the long run. Until were both done transforming, we cant do anything together. We already tried that. Twice. “Did we go through separation?” “Kindof, I guess.” Well, now we REALLY know we did. Really, really, really.
Its good. It makes me more patient. I can see thru most of the shit that used to snag me w you. I can forgive faster. Cant make a square a circle. Neither of us will change. Can only be open about it and accept it.
Sometimes I say things and can hear your voice where mine goes. And that’s how I know when were both saying something. I talk to you easiest when biking or walking alone. You are always there with me, right behind me, with your lil facie all shy and bunny like. Im never going to give up hope babe. I have eternal hope that we can nab this in this lifetime. I see all the things you put for me. I feel all the things you try to say. Who knew it would be like this, right? All distant and mean and 180 of where we came from. I know you arent the enemy and I forgive you for all the shit we go thru.
I know this hurts you greatly. If it didnt, I would have heard from you. It hurts me greatly too.
Keep sending love. Im getting it. Ill do the same.
Slowly, we’re getting there.
I love you.